Terror in the Block
by gryffen1
Summary: When Mackenzie Fraser joins the flag team of the SRU, little do they know how dangerous her previous life has been! With a member of the team falling for her, they are dragged through hell to save her soul before the past kills her and drives her insane. My OC/Spike - don't own anything but my OC and storyline - if you want money, come help me find it! DEDICATED TO WONDERGIRL
1. Chapter 1

**Terror in the Block**

Sliding off my seat belt I grabbed my travel bag and headed off the plane towards the arrivals desk; I had been on the plane for about 15 hours and enjoyed stretching my legs before climbing down the tunnel. Twenty minutes later after getting through customs, providing all my paperwork to immigration and grabbing my suitcase; I headed to where my new car was parked in the lot across the road. This was my second trip to Toronto and would now be my home after passing the interview and required exams for my new role within the police force. Thanks to my military career back home, I was eligible to try for the role and successfully cleared the immigration checks.

It was 0400 local time and I wanted to get to my new apartment for a quick shower and wander about before heading to the office to sign the paperwork required for the transfer of roles; I was also meeting the rest of the team today as they had been on a call when the interview stage was held. Parking up an hour later outside my new apartment block, I grabbed my gear and headed up to the thirteenth floor and unlocked the door. The movers had been in, redecorated and transferred my basic belongings to the marked rooms. The SRU had been in as well and I found my locked cabinet for my firearm in my bedroom cabinet. Chucking down my bags on the mattress on the floor, I grabbed a bag and headed for the bathroom to clean up and change into more mobile clothes.

Half an hour later I was sitting on the balcony overlooking the city and enjoying the view and change of scenery. After watching the dawn rise over the city, I grabbed my repacked bag for today and headed off for a 'reckie' of the local area so I would have at least a rough idea of local hotspots. My meeting with my new team and boss wasn't until 7am so I had plenty of time and only lived about a mile from the new office, so plenty of places to visit before clocking in time.

At 6.30am the city became really active with people heading home after work and the usual buzz of a city waking up from sleep. I had been told this could be a hectic place to work in, and after seeing the nightlife I knew I was going to love it here. Taking a left I started back towards my apartment and get the car to work. Just before 7am, I parked up in the marked bays and grabbed my gear from the boot; I knew the other members were probably already here training and I was still nervous about meeting the new team. Heading to the main reception I cleared my bags and ID through the scans and headed up the corridor towards the meeting rooms where I was to meet my new commander and sergeant.

"Hi, can I help you?" the officer at the desk enquired.

"Morning, I'm here to meet Sergeant Parker. I have an appointment at 7am!" I replied passing her my ID.

Taking my ID she scanned it through the system and checked my photos and fingerprint ID card with the internal system and immigration records. Passing the ID cards back, she handed me a PDA to sign electronically.

"Welcome to SRU Corporal Frasier. Please make your way to the meeting room at the end of the corridor and I'll contact Sergeant Parker. They are just off a call though so it could be a while before they are done with their briefing." She replied kindly while directing me where to go.

"No worries Officer, thanks for the help!" I replied grabbing my bag and heading to the meeting room.

It must have been about an hour later that I heard footsteps coming along the corridor and I stood up to meet my new boss and Sergeant and was faced by a man I recognised from Afghanistan. We both stood in shock and surprise at seeing each other again.

"Oh my god, Mac…..what you doing here?" he half blurted out.

"I'm waiting to meet my new team and Sergeant; I transferred from military to civilian services after the exams and last tour. How are you?" I said back.

We gave each other a huge hug and I clocked the other team members come in with the Commander of the SRU Teams; I got a few stares from the girl on the team and I released Sam and stood back.

"Commander, nice to see you again," I said releasing Sam.

"Welcome to the SRU Corporal. Do you two know each other?" he enquired.

"From Afghanistan Sir," I replied in a tone that meant no more info.

The Sergeant had caught my meaning and sent his team to get cleared up and report back for full introduction in an hour. Nodding to them all, I turned to Parker who ushered me into the meeting room and pulled out the forms for me to sign. About thirty minutes later I had signed my name enough times to ensure I was due to get a stamp made with my signature on it. With a final flourish and sigh, I signed the medical form and then leaned back on the chair with a huge smile on my face.

"Corporal Mackenzie Frasier, welcome to SRU Team One!"

Shaking his hand he motioned for the rest of the team to come into the room to be introduced and for us to get a bit more acquainted before they wanted to take me on the obstacle course.

A couple of hours later I was suited and booted for action on the obstacle course and had been partnered with Spike to run the back wall and rescue the civilian hostages that were being played by Team three. Grabbing my full pack I strapped in across my shoulders and loaded up the tags for the firearms we were using. Getting into starter positions we clambered around the back of the wooded path and then around to the side survey point to get Intel on the hostage's whereabouts as the boss continued doing his negotiator routine. Taking cover behind the half stone wall, we awaited the call to enter the area and begin removing the hostages from our area.

"Best entrance from the roof, across the sky beam and down the loft. Intel suggests the hostages are being held in the two back bedrooms." Spike whispered doing a quick check of his PDA.

"Any wounded? If some are non-mobile then we need to keep them on level ground." I replied checking my own PDA that pinged.

"One possible with spinal injuries due to GSW to the lower back." He replied.

"Okay, so we clear out main area, secure it and then I need to deal with medical emergencies. EMS notified and awaiting instructions from Parker." I replied.

Seconds later the message came for us to enter the area and begin our co-ordinated takedown of the situation. Jumping over the small wall we climbed the steep slope to reach the house and started our accent to reach our goals.

Ten minutes later I was escorting a stretcher out with the EMS unit to a round of applause and a beetroot face; I had successfully taken down a rogue member of Team three that was an added inclusion for us. Spike had supposedly been shot in the stomach and I had to chase the suspect through the house, they didn't reckon on being street smart and I threw a curveball of my own which took out the suspect before he even got ten feet in front of me.

The guys and trainers were standing at the gate entrance and as I helped carry the stretcher out, Spike waved to everyone and lay quite happily pretending to go for a nap after a long day at the office. Laying him down on the ground I thanked the EMS unit and grinned at everyone.

"Excellent job Corporal seems the British Army know their training and how to adapt. Care to explain the SAS moves used on the rogue?" Ed asked.

"Brownies Sir! Dangerous bunch of highland wild child's running round the place learning skills," I replied grinning again.

Sam was laughing and shaking his head as Ed got the message loud and clear.

"Copy that. Alright team, head back to the barn for debrief!" he said to the group.

Leaning down to unstrap Spike from the stretcher and remove his neck brace I nodded to the members of Team three who were walking past me. Most of them were grinning and patting my shoulder as they passed in a job well done. Helping him off the ground and passing him his gear, I headed up the path with Spike back towards the barn.

"How did you enjoy the exercise this morning?" he inquired.

"Loved it, now I see why your team wanted to test me, it's a lot more different than army, and we have to stick within the rules of the game. I'll adapt as Sam did once he left Special Forces, just give me a chance?" I replied bluntly.

"Hey, it wasn't a test on you; that is a simulation that is adapted for every new recruit into our teams, nothing special in it. Why do you think it was a test specifically for you?" he asked back as he stopped me.

"The trap that was set for you, on the last medevac I was assigned to with the Commando unit, the same thing happened. Down to the smallest detail of what hit you and where. I assumed that Parker or the Commander had been made aware of what happened since I was injured in the incident and wanted to see how I would react under the same pressure again."

I started to walk up the path again and wiped away the tears in my eyes; Wordy had stopped and watched us from the top of the hill and watched me walk into the unit entrance near the range. Waiting for Spike, he walked back to the range with him and stopped him before entering.

"Is she alright? She was upset when she walked past me," he inquired.

"I don't know; I may have over stepped asking her something about her army days. She thought this was a test designed for her, to sort out a weakness apparently. I think I'll need to ask Sam or the boss about it, she clammed up quicker than Ed's trigger finger." He replied.


	2. Chapter 2

After a debrief I hit the changing rooms and then the gym for a couple of hours workout before I headed back home for some sleep. After a circuit of the machines I hit the punching bag and just zoned out listening to my IPod. I didn't need to be reminded about that incident in Afghanistan; it was the one thing that haunted me. I was fully open about the issues it caused me at the interview stage and what treatment I was receiving back home. I knew I had an audience who were keeping a low profile, and I could feel their eyes on me as I kept on boxing and getting my frustrations out on the bag. Finally after about half an hour, I decided to quit and head for the showers and then home.

After a soothing shower I was sitting on the benches beside the lockers and Jules walked in, my head snapped up and I saw her face in the mirrors. Pulling my towel up over my back, I stood up, grabbed my gear and went to get changed in the bathroom stalls. Sighing a few moments later, I tied my hair back, grabbed my bag and headed out the main foyer and past the team who I said goodnight too before clocking out.

Jules turned to Parker and just stood there gaping and trying to come up with what was wrong. She had walked out the bathroom after Spike had asked her to get me to wait on him before she left. Her face must have been shocked enough that the team came over and demanded to know if she was alright. She said she was fine and just saw a spider that signalled to Parker she needed to speak to him alone.

"Boss…..what the hell happened to her? Her back?" she whispered to Parker.

"I know, she's told me. I'll speak to her tonight and ask her if I can tell the rest of you. It's her one weakness and she has been fully open about it, but it's very personal." He replied.

Nodding she looked over to Spike and found that he was heading along the corridor to catch me before I drove off.

I had just got to the car and had stashed my gear in the backseat when Spike ran over and stopped me.

"Hey! Where are you going in a hurry? The team is going for a drink!"

I stood still facing the car trying to compose my face, Spike turned me around and saw that I had been crying and tried to dry my face quickly before he noticed. Sniffing and wiping my eyes, I looked up at him and laughed.

"Hey, what's the matter Mac? First day stresses?" he asked quietly.

"No, just something stupid got to me; add that to jetlag and getting used to a major change in living…you know, tires you out easily." I replied.

It was the look he gave me, the one that could see right through me, to the internal mess I could be sometimes when my guard was down or I was caught unaware.

"Yeah, Jetlag sucks. You're just here; when did you fly in?"

"Got in this morning about 4am, had a few last minute things to do before leaving Scotland. Not had much chance to get things sorted and then the exercise just over exerted me a bit. I'll be fine tomorrow Spike, just need a solid nine hours sleep." I replied.

"You need anything you call okay. Team is family, you're now stuck with us and we do anything to help each other out. So stop the worrying, come relax with us for a couple of hours then go sleep!" he replied smiling.

I nodded and laughed lightly at his infectious grin, I knew immediately he was the prankster in the group and liked him immediately for his no nonsense approach to the issue, that and he didn't mention Jules once.

My head snapped up again as I heard gravel crunch and saw the Sergeant come across the pathway towards us.

"Spike, can you give us a minute, Pizza and soda in the meeting room, thought we would chill here tonight." Parker asked quietly.

"Sure boss. See you inside Mac?" Spike inquired.

Nodding I grinned and watched him walk back towards the barn and turned back to the boss who was leaning against the car. He looked at me with all the compassion in the world and I just sagged under the weight of it.

"Sorry boss," I whispered leaning against the car.

"Not your fault Mackenzie; never has been. The Commander set that up with Team three to ferret out the weakness, you were right in your assumption. What I have to apologise about is not stopping it. I was out of line; I know what happened that day was traumatic."

Wiping the tears away I nodded and knelt down to catch my breath. He knelt down beside me and took my hand that was shaking badly, I could tell he knew I was caught off guard by the scenario and it had hit a bit too close to home on my first day.

"Jules must of got a shock…seeing my back. She alright?" I asked a few minutes later.

"Yeah, she was more concerned about you. You automatically closed off, she's excellent at reading body language," he replied.

We had just sat on the car lot surface for a few minutes doing a breathing exercise that Parker had used with his team after particularly bad incidents, it was a good technique to use, calms the nervous system right down, and based on yoga I think.

"Do you feel like coming to meet the team, getting to know them better? They really want you in the team, and that is saying something. They won't ask questions about what Jules saw, they are just worried."

"Yeah, may as well get them use to the head case from Scotland. Starving anyway!" I replied getting up.

Laughing he got up and hugged me before we headed back to the barn and as we headed back to the meeting room, everyone jumped out and popped streamers over me and I got covered in hugs and tinsel. Laughing my head off at the guy's antics, I let them lead me to the room where they had put on a mini buffet with plenty of beer and sodas. About twenty minutes later after stuffing ourselves with pizza, crisps and mini donut things, we relaxed on the chairs and were talking about recent events and shenanigans involving the teams.

We had just finished ribbing Ed off about doing a zip line challenge for the local Scouts unit and failing it miserably due to getting caught in the bungee netting at the end. He was duly taking the heat and Wordy was showing us all the pictures of that event and aftermath of having to get him cut out of the wire.

"So Mackenzie Fraser, your turn! Spill those beans!" Wordy said grinning.

Taking a big drink of soda I nodded and opened the floor for the questions.

"Family, childhood and favourite music" Spike asked first.

Leaning back in the chair I brought my feet up under me and clicked my knuckles together. Both Parker and Jules looked at each other…..damn negotiators!

"Mackenzie Cameron Fraser, age 26. Born in Pitlochry and I have no surviving siblings or parents. At the wonderful age of 15, I was caught hanging with the wrong crowd by an off-duty officer from the local Territorial Army unit and he taught me a better way to live. I completed my training, and at 18 I joined the regulars from the 205 AMS squad. Music depends on my mood; anything from Medieval to death metal." I replied.

Everyone just sat looking at me or the table, annoying habit of people when you play this game; they ask, but then get really shy when the details come out.

"Alright guys, tell you what, ask what you want!"

"Mac, it's not necessary! We're not here to pry, just trying to get a sense of who you are, what your past experiences have been," Ed replied leaning forward.

Sliding my feet off the chair I leaned forward, taking a deep breath I nodded and looked at him straight in the eye.

"I respect that Ed, but I also know you have a strong team sense of family and loyalty and a newbie coming into the fold can cause some problems especially if they are military. Now in my case I was primary medical to a unit of Commandos in their base, so I'm used to them coming from pretty bad situations and needing medical attention at the scene or on the way back. Sam is the only one who is aware of how I have operated in the field. On the other hand, I am a fully trained soldier, with added firearms training due to deployment, I don't shy out of a fight very easily and I sure as hell can follow orders when I'm told too." I said trying to keep my cool.

"Alright guys, cool it down a little. Mac, there is no question about your abilities, todays exercise proved that point; I think what the guys are hesitant to ask, is what Jules saw." Parker replied, typically keeping the peace.

"That's not necessary Mac, it's obviously a major factor in your life, and I won't pry!" Jules replied keeping neutral.

Sighing I leaned my head across my arms and took some deep breaths, I was getting pissed off now and the fact I didn't drink anymore was a pain in the ass, a nice cold beer would be nice to relax the mood slightly. Looking up at Parker, I grabbed the laptop and hit up my personnel files.

"Mackenzie, you don't need to do this, it's not information that would affect us choosing you to join the team!" Parker said trying to stop me from opening the file.

"Carte Blanche, this one time!" I replied.

Bringing up my personnel file from my application, I opened up the files marked 2010 and opened up the documents that related to the mission I had to recreate this morning in the exercise.

"What Jules saw earlier was the result of this mission, it's not classified, but some of it has been redacted to remove names and places. The exercise this morning was a test; it matched exactly what happened in this mission for me, including the rogue officer. The only difference was that today; I didn't get blow through a wall, land on rolls of razor wire and lose half my team to IEDs. That's how I met Sam; he was on the secondary squad and administered first aid after they cut me off the wire. The mission was a failure due to several deaths, including the target, after I healed and re-qualified, I have never failed my team."

"So you two have worked together already?" Spike asked reading through the document on the table.

"Not officially. But since I was still on active duty, we kept in touch while she recovered and went through her surgeries and rehab. Took you nearly a year to put any wait on your back, you were so happy when you could handle a t-shirt." Sam replied.

"I'm sorry I got emotional this morning, it was really unprofessional and will never happen again." I whispered to everyone.

"I think with the jetlag, change of scenery and the exercise we put you through this morning, you have a right to be tired and grumpy. She got here at 4am guys, she is exhausted and we pushed her hard today. Mac has just told us something really personal and pretty horrific about her time served. I have seen her scars, what she had to endure from receiving them to now…..emotional and psychological damage from them messed her up, but she worked through it all and is one of the finest soldiers and medics I have ever known…..she's family!" Sam said.

I was back to my deep breaths with Parker beside me counting for me. Everyone was pretty much stunned, normally military people kept quiet about what had been done and seen on deployment, but since this was interfering with my career, I had come fully open and divulged information.

"I'm sorry Mac, we don't question your work or your skills, but you understood the need for the exercise, it was to ensure you didn't have flashbacks during an escalation which could prove fatal. We all partly knew something had happened, Sam let us know that much. We are behind you 100% and we want you on this team…..Wordy wants you on this team since he is a bullet magnet!" Jules said.

Laughing, I heard Wordy shout 'Hey!' in a mock offended tone and could hear everyone give a small laugh at his pout. Brining my head up, I wiped my face and grinned at her.

"Okay, to get us out of this awkward scenario now, how about we all show off our scars and get the tension out of the room!" Ed said.

"Anything to get people to take their tops of huh!" I said laughing.

Everyone had stood up and decided that we would start off with Ed and work our way around with me being last as the show and tell of how not to land on wire.

After some mighty impressive GSW scars, impalement wounds and burns, we got to Parker who was getting wolf whistles as he raised his shirt sleeve and showed off the double score lines of ricochets to his upper arm.

"Take it you walk behind Wordy then huh, you should ask for a raise bro!" I said as he nodded.

"Now now, boss is the negotiator, no bullets are intended for him unless he gets the wives names mixed up!" Jules said laughing.

My turn…..great!

"Okay, here it goes!" I said.

Pulling off my fleece and t-shirt, I turned around and let them see my back.

"Holy shit!" a collected whisper from people behind me.

My back looked like it had been hacked by a butcher. From the top of my shoulders to just below my last ribs was covered in crisscross scars and deep scar tissue from where the razor wire had been impaled in me. Along with those scars, I suffered from severe spinal bruising and shrapnel injuries from the IEDs and bone from the other victims being used as shrapnel. Turning round I put my t-shirt back on and sat back down.

"So, do I win?" I asked saluting them with coke.

"Yeah, by a landslide Mac!" replies Spike.

"Cool. That's the worst it gets with me guys, I don't have any other baggage or history that follows me about the place. Yeah, the injuries and recovery screwed me up, but I had reason and cause. I'm good to go!" I replied.

We broke up for home awhile later and after a huge hug from everyone and the promise of a fresh start the next morning, I headed off home to finally get some sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Three months later**

Ugh…..I can't sleep!

Grabbing the alarm from the floor I glance and note the wonderful time of 3.37am, slamming the clock back on the floor I decide to get up, shower and head into work really early to set up the briefing for the new Tranquilizer Darts that had been issued by the force. My job was to explain the general symptoms, side effects and rare complications of its uses. Twenty minutes later I was ready to go and grabbed my bag and keys and headed down to the car, which I then had to scrape off the snow and ice from.

I had been in Toronto for about three months now and I loved it; the people, the city and my job. Thankfully my medical skills hadn't been needed on a major scale for the team and no major wounds to deal with, so my role had mainly been as support for the first couple of days until my requalification with the police. That was over two months ago and they discovered that I was actually a damn good shot and suggested going for my sniper training, I declined for the moment as I would have too much on my plate dealing with the coming medicals and updates of the team's training.

Finally getting the car thawed enough to reverse out of the car lot, I headed along the highway and hit the CD player to help waken me up, changing the track list, I grinned as a TON song came on and it was perfect music for today's workload. It took about twenty minutes to get to the barn due to the snow on the roads, but that would clear once the transport links kicked in with the backups. Parking up in the marked bays, I grabbed my gear and headed into the office to the usual blurry of activity of a 'Hot Call' coming in. Nodding to the team heading out, I clocked in with Keira at the main desk.

"You're in really early, everything alright Mac?" she inquired passing me my folders.

"Yeah, busy day with the briefings for the teams, thought I would just get a head start before the chaos started. Team Two out on call?" I replied.

"Yeah, smash and grab at a local dope house went wrong, possible chemicals found for a major incident, HAZMAT and EMS on standby with gear to do a major clean up." She replied typing up the details on the system.

"Well if they need support I'll be here, call me and I'll be ready to head out."

She nodded and marked it down in the system that I was here and ready to support Team Two as required.

Heading to the changing room I changed into my gear and strapped on my tactical belt and pouch for my supplies in case I was called to assist. Grabbing my folders I headed to the meeting room and set up the laptop files and photocopied the folder information for future use. Team one was due in at eight and the briefing was at 9am. The practical demonstration was to be held at 10am, a volunteer from Vice Squad had been tested for any issues with the tranquilizer and he was good to go, as long as I returned the favour one day!

Suddenly the klaxon went off and I thought it was for the other standby team.

"Mackenzie, HOT CALL! Support needed with Team Two on major chemical spill and possible biological contamination!" Keira shouted.

Running to the firearms locker, I grabbed my firearms and MP5, Ammo magazines and my kitbag that contained my sub-compacted medical kits. Zipping up my Kevlar vest and slipping on my gloves, I waved to Keira who signalled she had uploaded the details to my PDA with driving instructions to Car five. Grabbing the truck keys, I hit the pavement and headed off to the site.

I called ahead to the leader of Team Two to find out the update on what the techs thought the canister contained, all the results from their tests came back a mix of chemical explosives and unknown substance, which is why they needed someone trained in biomedical hazards which was my speciality. Getting to the cordon line and parking up beside the rest of the SRU units, I clocked Ross who was the leader of Team Two and the unit's medic.

"Thanks for coming down so quickly Mac; this thing is seriously scaring me. All tests have come back with a chemical explosive on timer and Nick says that's going to be easy to disarm, but the issue is with this piece of hardware that's attached to the pin mechanism of a secondary explosive. We know its TNT and once the pin drops onto the small silver coin, it will release potassium and water that….." he stated showing me the details on his tablet.

"That will start combusting releasing enough energy to cause a spark that will detonate the container holding whatever the liquid is. Nice set up, this individual has thought of almost everything. One thing he didn't take notice of was the weather change. The deep cold will give us an edge, any biohazard that needs to be alive to transmute will need a minimum temperature of 40 degrees, and it's minus 15 at the moment. I'm hoping that the organism, or whatever could be in there, will now be inactive due to the 55 degree temperature difference. Not great for Nick, but better news for Hazmat." I replied taking notes down on my PDA with relation to what we had just discussed.

"Yeah, that would be the case, but the container was found in a thermal blanket that was connected to the main power supply of the street lamp. It kept the container at a toasty 39.8 degrees. That's basically why I needed the extra back up as I need a set of hands!" he said pulling off his gloves.

His hands were all wrapped up in cooling bandages and silver nitrate powder, he had been burned with something, my guess a strong alkaline.

"I was testing the cover for any leakages with two pairs of gloves on, it ate right through them. I've got two other injured personnel too; they are being supported by Hazmat and will be transferred to containment once disinfected. I need you to go on lead with this one Mac!" he replied putting his gloves back on once I had checked them over.

"Yeah no worries; let's get you off to hospital too and get checked for all the usual pollutants, do a cross match with the CDC and USAMRIID as well just in case this could be a container from them. I'll pop round later to see how everyone is after this bad boy is contained alright!" I replied handing him over to the Hazmat teams.

I headed over to the truck and grabbed my gear and mask, whatever this was I didn't want to touch, breathe or ingest it. Telling the officers to widen up the no access zone to another city block, I clicked on my radio to speak to the team.

"Alright team, status reports from everyone please?"

"Mac, buildings in immediate are cleared."

"Copy that Tony. William?" I reported.

"Working on the containers ID's, both match biohazard specs but have no serial number or labels. Possibility these were stolen from production?"

"Copy that William, contact UCAS, and find out if there are any reports of stolen bio containers in the last six months."

"Copy that Mac!" he replied.

I stood down range from where Nick was with the container and watched as he continued with his deactivation of the chemical trigger unit, he signalled to us after five minutes or so and I watched as the bomb unit was rolled in to contain the device. The unit was placed within the safe locker and diverted to where the unit would be removed for destruction. I double clicked the radio unit which was replied with a double click back, signalling me it's clear for me to go down range to Nick.

"Hey Nick, secure to come and check you out?" I said over the radio as I hit the line.

"Copy that Mac, no further risk detected." He replied.

Heading to his location I swear I could have smelt something spicy, it was 4.55am, no restaurant was open and the smell wouldn't be this strong so long after closing.

"Nick, are you picking up anything on the system, I'm getting a really strong smell of something spicy, almost like chilli?" I said looking around the place.

"Copy that, it started a minute or two ago, I thought it was from the rubbish bin, remains of dinner last night? I'll join you and do a sweep of the bin just in case!" he replied.

Doubling up on my gloves I was joined by Nick and he scanned the bin with his detector, he suddenly pushed me back as I heard a click.

"Run!" he shouted pulling us back from the bin.


	4. Chapter 4

We both ran away from the bin as a loud hissing noise started and we were blown forwards and down the set of stairs by an air concussion from the bin. Kneeling up from where we landed, I checked Nick who had bumped his head and was unconscious; the EMS had been deployed and was heading our way. My skin was burning and looking down at my arms I noticed the red rash was blistering as I tried to dust off the brown powder on our skins.

"STOP! We need water…..get the showers ready!" I shouted at the EMS who just about crossed into our area.

One of them turned round the other way and relayed for the portable showers to start getting moved closer to our location; then I saw Ross running across the cordon area and shout into a spare radio.

"Mac, what's the situation?" Ross came back on the line.

"Irritant on contact, we need to get it off as its burning the living crap out of us, get the fire service to unlock the hydrant, were going for a cold shower!" I shouted over the radio.

Getting up, I shook out my face and felt my eyes sting as the powder irritated them, grabbing Nicks vest hook, I dragged him along the pathway to where a hydrant had been opened and after a deep breath, dragged us under the torrent of freezing cold water and screamed as the chill of the water hit me. I saw the EMS and Team Two provide cover as they saw me strip Nick down to his basics and wash his skin of all the powder before going to do the same thing with myself. The minute the cold water hit us both it woke Nick up and he fought me to get out from under the water.

"It's alright…..we needed to get wet quickly…sorry about the temperature though!" I replied checking him over.

"My skin feels like it's on fire! What the hell was in the bin?" he demanded as he noticed the burns on us from where our skin was exposed.

"My guess whoever set that device set us a surprise as well. The brown powder that exploded was a Lipophilic substance, only way to explain the burning on our skin. Basically its CS gas on a massive dose, expect the irritation to last awhile, which minds me you better make sure you don't have powder anywhere near your parts…..that won't be fun if you do!" I said.

Turning round to give him a bit of privacy, he poked my shoulder a minute later and shook his head to say he was fine. The hydrant was turned off by the fire service and EMS came running up with thermal blankets and stretchers for us. We waved off the stretchers and grabbed every blanket we could find before we turned into walking ice cubes.

Five minutes later we were sitting on the Hazmat stretchers after a really hot shower and decontamination exam. We had been given clean dry clothes and I was getting my arms wrapped up after the burns were treated. They weren't too bad; the chemical had been ID as pure Capsicum, basically a massive chilli bomb. My eyes only had minimal irritation and I was cleared to drive and go back to work on the condition I was checked out if any symptoms arose from contact and I went for an x-ray to check on suspected ribs. Nick had been taken to hospital as his head wound was being treated like a hairline fracture, grabbing my keys from the sodden clothes inside the hazmat bag; I headed to the truck and climbed in. It was 5.30am – I had been up less than three hours and had nearly been blown up, poisoned and burned and frozen in the ultimate cold shower with a bomb tech – I leaned back and laughed, stopping suddenly as the pain in the ribs came back. Thankfully nothing broken, just bruised over two ribs from the impact of landing on my kitbag. Slamming on my music, I reversed out the area and headed back to the barn to get changed again and clock in with Keira who should be clocking in the teams shortly.

I shuffled out the truck and grabbing my bags, limped into the building and waved at Keira who sighed in relief once she saw me. We were fast friends in the first few days as it seems we both know a couple of the same guys from a unit in Afghanistan. She came over and gave me a hug and promised a massive mug of coffee once I was changed.

A few minutes later, after putting away my gear and firearms, I headed back to Keira and thanked her for the HUGE mug of coffee and she said she had set up the room for me with everything as required.

"Thanks Keira never would have managed it without your help this morning!"

"Nothing to thank for, how is Nick? How are you?" she replied nodding to my arms.

"Nick will be fine, got a message from him saying it's a deep cut and possible concussion, he'll be out tomorrow if they don't kill him. Both of us just have irritation burns and a couple of minor bumps and bruises from the rough landing, nothing major to report!" I replied stretching my arms.

At that point, Team Two arrive and I'm hugged by every single one of them, all of them embarrassing me like hell with the shower routine of stripping Nick.

"Alright guys…..just remember that if you embarrass me, I can get you back at your next physical!" I replied laughing.

"Wow! Low blow Mackenzie! Thought medics were meant to be compassionate and understanding?" Ross replies laughing.

"We are compassionate, but also lethal with syringes, so unless you want a demonstration – go clean up!" I said pointing to the showers.

Turning back round to Keira I smiled, sighed and headed back to the meeting room to finish up some minor details of the presentation before I headed to the weapons locker to get the TDR rifle and check it for any issues for later on.


	5. Chapter 5

My team was due in shortly and after getting the place sorted and having some breakfast, I was sitting on the window ledge watching the sunrise over the city. It was just after 7.30am and the sky was just starting to turn golden from the rising sun, I loved watching it from Toronto, completely different from anywhere I had been, and spectacular due to the clean air. I had changed the bandages on my arms and reapplied some of the numbing lotion to the worst areas to give myself some relief in case we were called out on a call later.

"Hey kiddo, heard you had a busy morning?" said a voice at the doorway.

Turning round I saw Greg leaning against the door frame and he didn't look that thrilled this morning. Sliding my legs off the ledge I stood up and walked round to him with a copy of the report.

"Yeah, secondary containment issues after a bomb threat was deactivated by Nick. A couple of casualties, Team Two will be out of action for about a week, Ross maybe a fortnight until his hands heal. Turns out the real threat was a dud and a prank on a local businessman who annoyed a gang of youths, backfired on them and they were arrested about an hour ago at a local hangout. Main charge was destruction of property and injuring police in the line of their duties. Thankfully it was only an irritant and a clever science experiment that would cause more smoke than explosion."

He dropped the report on the table and lifted up my long sleeves of my fleece, he winced as he saw the bandages across both arms and the faint redness across my face.

"How about you?" he inquired looking at me in the eye.

"I'm fine boss, honestly! Couple of burns and banged up ribs, nothing to write home about!" I replied.

"And the early arrival this morning, that's the seventh time this month so far?" he said pulling me back to face him as I headed off.

"Keeping track of me boss?" I said annoyed.

"As I would any of my team!" he replied

"If I say I'm fine I mean it. You know November isn't a great month for me, and if I'm a little distracted and it's affecting my work then you have a right to pull me in, but it's not as displayed this morning. Thank you for the concern, but I'm really fine!" I reply, trying to play down the negotiator look he is giving me.

He's actually profiling me; the ultimate father figure for the team is trying to use his skills and get the truth from me. Turning back round to him I sigh and rub my eyes….bad move within milliseconds of doing so.

"Boss I'm sorry that was out of line! I came in early to do some work on my presentation and heard about the incident. I cleared Keira to call me if they needed assistance, which they did, and I headed off to help. As for the early arrivals, maybe an hour or so early, but nothing major and it's not interfered with my job in any manner," I said apologetically.

"I know it hasn't, but the irritability over the last couple of weeks I have noticed, and you don't get rattled easily unless something is really bothering you or you're losing focus. Which is it?" he demanded pulling me out of earshot of the team coming in.

"Can we talk later; I promise its nothing major, really stupid actually; probably just need a fresh set of eyes on the issue. That okay?" I whispered back.

He nodded and I waved at the rest of the team as they came charging down the corridor to salute their winner after the swimming challenge yesterday. That was a good afternoon after doing several physical drills with Team Two and then a swim challenge at the local lake. I hadn't let slip that I was also a rescue diver, so my swimming was pretty damn good and I could handle the lakes water pretty easily since living and training in similar water temperatures.

"You're here early, everything alright?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, got here really early then got called out to help deal with something, I'll brief you all up in the meeting room in twenty okay, got to get another coffee!" I said holding up my cup.

He took the cup off me and grabbed my hands, they were still a little cold from the shock of this morning, but he had noticed the bandages underneath my thermals. Sighing I let him lift up my sleeves and then he noticed the slight swelling of my cheeks and forehead around where my safety glasses had protected my eyes.

"What happened? You were meant to get a lift from me this morning and breakfast, you didn't show?" he asked pulling me to the side.

Spike and I had become really good friends and as the youngest two in the squad at 26 and 29 years old, we connected really well. Both of us knew we liked each other romantically, but the next step was always the scariest in case it led to complications within the team. I had been ribbed constantly by Jules who told me it was cleared for her and Sam to stay together as long as Priority of Life was maintained. She knew I liked him, he was funny, kind and knew what I was talking about when I babbled on about chemicals; the exact same thing I did for him when he did the same on radio. It was a natural balance to the team as we made sense of each other.

I had been dragged to the first aid room and he looked at my swollen skin from under a UV light that detected trace amounts of the irritant on my skin. He rolled up my sleeves and noted the deep red marks going up my arms.

"These are chemical burns Mac, what the hell happened?" he demanded.

My arms were bright red with deep purple patches and blisters, the cream was helping and it no longer itched, just tingled like crazy and caused some muscle spasms that would last a day or so. I had noted on the report that I would be useless with a firearm until the spasms stopped and would stick to medical and support within the team.

Spike had reapplied the cream to my arms and wrapped them up again so they would be protected from anymore irritation. Flexing my fingers, I grinned and grabbed a bottle of cold water instead of the coffee mug.

"Go get changed, I'll brief everyone and then get on with the TDR meeting, whoever wins the mock quiz gets a fun prize!" I said.

"You didn't answer my question," he says staring at me.

"Incident this morning, early call out, Lipophilic agent." I replied heading out.

Heading back to the meeting room I nearly walked in on Ed and Greg talking about the report of this morning's incident, I leaned against the back of the wall outside and listened in to the conversation.

"So, Team Two are out for a week, Nick a fortnight and she's banged up and not able to be proactive within the team because of her burns. Fantastic, did anything else happen this morning?" Ed said rubbing his face.

"Nope, all quiet on the front today. Mac is going to do the TDR brief in a few minutes and then some lucky volunteer from Team Three has kindly agreed to be shot by the dart to show us the effects. I think she has thrown a curveball in to the equation somehow, you know how she likes to keep us surprised."

"Yeah and I don't think I could handle the last surprise again! It took me over a day to regain sensation in my mouth after her jambalaya – that should be weaponised!" Ed said laughing at the memory.

I laughed at the memory of that night; it was a fun packed night of home cooked food at Greg's and then movie night – that was the night both Spike and me fell asleep on the carpet cuddled up while we were watching an old movie, his arm around my waist while my head was on his shoulder…..they never played down the photos they took of us sleeping all cuddled up and oblivious to the others. I got my revenge by cooking up a yoghurt drink the next morning for Ed, what I didn't tell him is I added Ghost Pepper sauce to it…..his face was priceless!

I heard them moving from the table towards the doorway; I scooted backwards along the corridor then stopped as I heard them halt before leaving the room.

"What's bothering you Greg? You have that look again!" Ed whispered.

"Ed, have you noticed if Mac has been restless recently?" Greg said gently.

I could hear Ed turn to Parker and saw him nod through the shutter space in the wall. He was saying something; I couldn't make it out from here.

"Do you mean the exhausted look, or the 'I'm mentally fried and need help' look? If it's the first one then yes, and she has been pulling a lot of OT and early starts recently for this TDR project to make sure it gets off the ground running. And as for the second issue; well, we know this isn't her favourite month, maybe she is trying to deal with it since she stopped seeing her shrink last month as a personal goal. Want me to speak to her about it?" he replied.

"No, I'll do it and make the call. I'm now officially concerned by the shrink news, was this suggested by her or by the shrink to give some away space?" Parker replied glancing out as the team arrived with their folders.

"Shrink did, she goes to the same one I did after the McMillan case, and they keep me informed as requested by the Commander. Are you not checking your emails, your sent a report monthly on any updates?"

"Think those emails are getting sent to my private folder, I'll check later on, my mistake." He replied.

He looked at Parker and then at the crew who were all chatting as they grabbed their seats. I had headed to the commissary to grab the breakfast tray and after being told it had been sent up already, I headed into the meeting to start up.

"Hey guys, how's everyone doing this morning?" I said starting up the laptop again.

Everyone chimed in and said they were fine, glancing up at Ed and Greg; they both nodded and smiled at me. Passing out some folders to everyone regarding the TDR, I sent a quick message to Parker on his PDA. I heard it ping and he looked at me after reading it and passed it to Ed.

The message was just a simple sentence:

_'If you have any concerns about me, be polite and ask me first!'_

Opening up the rifle case, I laid out the new TDR rifle for non-lethal take down shots and a sample case with several TDR darts that were capped to stop injuries.

"Alright guys, quick bit of news before we start. Team Two will be out of action for possibly one to two weeks due to injury at a call out this morning. No fatalities thankfully and main device was deactivated and disposed of at 6am by Hazmat and Ordinance. Nick will be out of action for minimum of two weeks due to concussion and injury, so I will be covering his shifts as medical backup. Due to the issues of a secondary device that exploded and resulted in a cold shower, I was exposed to a Lipophilic agent that's caused some temporary issues with spasms in my arms, so I'm not much good at aiming straight right now. Ross and Nick will be fine; they are going to meet us at Cooper's tomorrow night if they are good to go."


	6. Chapter 6

An hour later I had finished my brief and answered as many questions as possible in regards to the tranquilizers compound, symptomology and effect range. I had passed out the mock exam and they had all finished the paper, swapping them around with the others, I got them to mark out the correct answers and pass back the tallied sheets. Looking through them, I grinned as I saw who had won.

"Come on, who won and what is the prize?" Jules said nearly bouncing in her seat.

"Two prizes. Whoever wins, they get the honour of taking point shot on our volunteer from Team Three to test out the TDR." I replied.

Everyone was laughing at the curveball I threw in for good measure and most of them were rubbing their hands to find out who had won.

"What's the second prize?" Sam asked.

I grinned and picked up the small dart from inside the container.

"Whoever gets the lowest score….they are Team Threes volunteer."

"WHAT?" half of them shouted in surprise?

"I did tell you there would be repercussions if you failed the exam, and by agreeing, if you lose, you volunteer!" I replied holding up the signed email form.

"Mac, just tell us who lost so I can book the week off if it's me!" Wordy said.

"Don't need to worry Wordy; it's not you….Its Ed. He is the new volunteer for the other team," I replied grinning.

"Oh thank god for that, so who won?" Jules asked impatiently.

"Wordy, he gets to play with the TDR!" I said laughing at his expression.

Wordy gets up and runs round to hug me, gasping I keep grinning and laugh breathlessly as he spins me around. Putting me back on my feet I wobble slightly and grip the back of the chair to knock out the pain running through my ribs. Parker see's in through my face and calls order on the meeting, Ed notices my face has gone chalk white and orders the guys to suit up and I leave the room at speed and head to the first aid room where I am violently sick in the bathroom. Grabbing the ice pack from the fridge, I wrap it over my ribs and hunch over the counter and sink in case I am sick again. The door clicks behind me and I feel two sets on hands on me turning me around.

"Easy Mac," Ed whispers holding onto the ice pack.

"I'm alright, just tender as hell….." I said pressing the pack deeper into my side.

Ed raised up my t-shirt and winces at the bruising and scratches down one side of my flank. I had them checked out earlier and wasn't concerned, but the pain shifted and now was centred on one area.

"Thought these were just bruised, you have at least one broken or fractured and possibly more if they don't get seen too." Sam said probing my side.

"They were just bruised and I was fully checked out by EMS, maybe they missed a fracture, I was due to go for an x-ray after the meeting and get a course of tetanus injections started as I landed on contaminated surface."

Sam and Ed both got me straightened up on my feet and strapped the ice pack onto my side. Taking a few steps forward I was gasping with every step and had to lean over again. Yup, one of my middle ribs was fractured, possibly broken and splintered; I could taste the blood in my mouth when I coughed. Nothing too serious, but I needed to get to the hospital to get x-rayed.

"Sam, go and phone for the paramedic unit to come here, no noise please!" I whispered as I showed him the blood.

He passed me to Ed who kept me still and the door opened with Wordy looking for a plaster. He stopped in his tracks and then kicked into action.

"What happened?" he demanded supporting my other side to even up my balance.

"Missed fractured rib, or suspected anyway, always knew you were superman in disguise Wordy!" I said trying to ease the tension.

"Shit! I hugged you, you should have said something!" he said back.

"Yeah I know, but I didn't feel it until a second or two after you let me go." I replied squeezing their hands as I tried not to cough.

"I'm sorry Mac; this is going to put you out for a few days!"

I looked at him and smiled, the poor soul was upset.

"Not your fault and I will not have you doing a guilt trip over this! You have someone to shoot in ten minutes in the range, go get set up once Sam comes back and take lots of photos – I'm sure Ed will want details of how bad it is!" I said back to him.

The door opened with Sam and Greg, he nodded to Wordy who gave a kiss on the cheek and headed off to the range with my nod. Sam took my other side again and scratched my shoulder as requested.

"Interesting day this is turning into boss, anymore surprises for the newbie?" I said sucking in a breath as he changed the ice pack.

"You are one of the most complex people I know Mackenzie!" he whispers.

"Back at you boss, at least in my case we all know why I'm complex, too much crap happening and not enough fun." I replied.

"But you fought every step of the way, that's why where here for each other. Now be quiet and let Sam listen to your lungs!" he replied.

Nodding I let Sam listen and over my lower right lung I could feel the pressure of the rib fracture. Wasn't my first set of broken ribs, but hoped to hell would be my last.

"I need you to take in a big lungful of air the release, you know it's going to hurt like hell, but I need to check for stability," Sam whispered rolling up my t-shirt.

"I hate this bit. Guys, really sorry if I swear here…very unladylike!" I said taking hold of the guys hands in a better grip.

I took a massive gasp of air and felt the pop of the bone splinter hit my lung. I bit back a lot of swear words and bit my lip to stop from crying out, the guys gripped my hands and I looked up to Sam.

"Sam is there any chance of that ambulance being here yet?" I gasped.

"Just arrived at the fire door, let's get you on the stretcher outside and then get those ribs taped up!"

Nodding I took one step forward and next thing I knew was the floor coming up to meet me.

In the same moment Ed grabbed me and picked me up as the stretcher was rolled under me. I could hear people giving orders and I heard Spike shout along the end of the corridor…..


	7. Chapter 7

All I could hear was a faint beeping noise, really annoying and I thought it was my alarm clock on the floor. Reaching over to switch it off I smacked my hand off something hard and woke up with a start. Looking to my left I saw Sergeant Parker sitting by the bed looking at me with amusement on his face.

"Finished bruising yourself up?" he inquired.

"Ugh, broken ribs right? I swear I got checked out by Hazmat and EMS before I left the incident scene, I'm not that stupid!" I said wincing as I moved.

"I know you did, they missed the splintered rib, unfortunately when Wordy spun you around, and it snapped and snagged your lung. No permanent damage, but you will be sore for a week or so as they heal." He replied.

"So why do you look like you're going to ground me?" I stated looking at him.

"Why didn't you tell me you were having problems with nightmares?"

"What nightmares?" I asked looking confused.

He looked straight at me and showed me notes he had taken when I was unconscious, apparently I had an episode when he was in the room…..not a good thing to discover!

I leaned back against the pillows and sighed, I knew this would get dragged up somehow if they found out, that's the reason I declined offers to stay over. I looked back at him and picked up my phone from the table and showed him a picture of a family.

"Boss, you know my family died in the accident in November, you understand that I was at camp when it happened and didn't find out until over a week later. I was twelve years old, I knew what death was and meant. I lost my mum and dad, brother and sister in that accident and I never got to say goodbye at the funeral. November drags all those emotions back up and added to my rather screwed up brain, doesn't exactly make for a peaceful sleep mode."

He leans forward in the chair and shuffles through the report to a page regarding my medication use in the past. He knew I didn't drink anymore, mainly for the same reason he didn't either – getting used to the alcohol meant I didn't deal with life. I also never took any medications if I could help it due to the same reason; I did tell them at interview stage that I was a messed up kid in foster care, until I met my old Colour Sergeant and got straightened out.

"The shrink prescribed medication for you, a very gentle sedative to help you relax; you get a weekly dose at a time and have been clean during the random testing that the Commander requested for the last couple of months. Are you being rational to refuse the medication when it could help you get the sleep you desperately need?" he said pointing to the results.

"I find other ways to relax boss, my personal habits when I was younger left a lot to be desired and I will not put things in me that make me dependent. I'm allowing the Bucospan in the IV as it's to ease off the muscular cramps, but I don't do painkillers or sedatives unless vital. You know how dependent you can become on substances, I'm never going back to that again!" I hit back at him.

He leaned back against the chair and ran his hands across his face. I didn't mean or want to piss him off, but I have fought daily to keep myself on the straight and narrow, slipping several times during recovery in Afghanistan. I swore I would never be dependent on anything again. Looking over at him I apologised and he waved it off, understanding that I was just upset.

"What time is it anyway? How did the TDR go?" I asked suddenly.

"You have been asleep for about thirteen hours, probably longest nap you have had for a long while. The TDR was a huge success, Wordy had a blast and Rocky was fine after the sedative wore off. Great result for the non-lethal unit and yourself, we are really proud of you coming up with the idea." He replied.

Handing me his phone I laughed as I saw the gang take photos of the trials and of Ed getting shot by the dart; I was probably going to pay for that at some point in the future. Passing the phone back I looked over to the window and spotted Spike and Ed outside.

"I'm not going to bite, they are allowed in," I whispered.

"Ed wanted me to talk to you for a bit, you know about this morning. Spike nearly freaked out when they guys found out about your ribs and wanted to come over sooner, but we had a call out. I'll swap places with Ed for a bit then leave Spike here with you, maybe you can soothe him, he was really worried after Sam explained what had happened."

"Sure boss, and thank you!" I replied.

He nodded and swapped places with Ed, who was a lot more cheerful that I expected him to be after today's events.

"Hey Mac, how's the chest feeling?" he asked gently.

"Taped up nice and tight and sore, I'll survive a week or so with them. Ed, I'm going to apologise now as I'm tired of feeling like I am constantly disappointing your expectations. I have emotional issues stemming from losing my family, drug and alcohol issues in my youth to getting blown up in combat. These cause me really bad nightmares that make me scream. The shrink did a sleep study one night during a run of them; I scared the shit out of the others in the study….now do you understand that if I can't sleep, I don't take anything?"

He nodded and took my hand.

"If you take sedatives then your brain relaxes and you lose focus. That in turn can trigger your PTSD flashbacks and make your nightmares ten times worse; then you can't fight the impulse because you can't wake up and take control." He replied.

"Bingo! So if I can't sleep, I relax with really hot showers, play the piano, sing…dance around the place…..beat the crap out of the boxing bag, anything to help me focus again. I know you have had flashbacks because of a bad incident, so that's why I know I am safe within this team as you take care of your own. I swear I'm not a screw up, but I freely admit I have issues!"

He sat on the side of the bed and took both of my hands after handing me a napkin to dry my eyes; I looked at him and laughed as I saw where the TDR dart had hit him on the neck.

"You are one of the bravest people I know. You have dealt with a lot in your life and then after a career in the military, you join our squad and start a new life in a strange country and new city. Not many people can accomplish that and stay sane, but I know you are one of them and I am very proud of everything about you. Now, there is apparently a certain bomb expert outside who is concerned about you to the point he left Babycakes with muddy feet in the garage. Can I bring him in?" Ed replied.

I laughed and suddenly wish I hadn't as I felt the ribs protesting the muscle strain. Nodding to him, he kissed my forehead goodbye and sent in Spike who was leaning against the wall looking at me nonstop. He walked over to me, took my hands and sat on the bed side looking down at me.

"Just a couple of broken ribs Spikey, nothing more or less and I'll be backing everyone up again at the start of next week." I replied grinning at him.

He looked at me; right through me is probably more accurate. He wasn't judging me or being critical. He looked at me like I was the only one worth fighting for; my therapist called it a 'spark moment'. When one person, connects with another; through an event that is separate for each person, but unites them through grief. He comes to sit beside me being careful not to knock the bedframe. He takes my hand and links fingers.

"They told me everything Mac, they told me about your history, your family and what happened and even the messed up teenager you used to be. I want you to know, that I am not letting you get back to that stage ever again, and I don't care what people say about you and the issues you have. You are a born survivor; it's obvious to everyone who loves you, everyone who respects you. I'm not going anywhere; I'm here for you." He whispered.

"It's not as easy as that Spike, I have PTSD. Yes it's controlled, but it's brutal on everyone who has to deal with it. Do you really want this crap in your life? You don't know me that well, yes, I freely admit there is something….." I replied trying to breathe through the ache in the chest.

The tears were running down my face again at his admission, he knew I loved him and I knew that he loved me, it was a huge admission and one that was fast developing and pretty obvious to everyone who saw us together. Leaning down he smoothed my hair off my forehead and kissed me very gently on the mouth. I reached up to smooth the stress line from his brow, smiling up at him I kissed him back and winced as I tried to reach up further.

"Easy tiger, plenty of time for kissing later!" he said grinning.

"Are you sure, I don't want to add stress into your life Mikey?" I said.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure Mac, even my mum wants to meet you!" he replied grinning.

"Oh dear, I've heard about Italian mothers – wait, you talked to your mother about me?" I said surprised.

"I told her about the new recruit in the team, she got information out of me and found out you were Scottish. She likes the accent, bonus points I think!"

He shrugged his shoulders and grinned again, he had this amazing wide smile that made his nose slightly crooked, cracked me up inside every time.

"Since my dad died we stay very close, she's moving back to Italy soon to stay with the family, she's left me the house. Big family meal tomorrow and I can't let you miss the chance of really bad homemade wine and great food!"

Both of us were laughing and I was gripping his hand as I struggled to ease it off with the muscle spasms. The nurse came in and did a quick check of me before telling Spike he only had a few minutes left before visiting hours were over. I got him to find out if I could leave tomorrow morning, he came back nodding and holding a balloon.

"I love these balloons," I said gently shaking it and hearing the rattle.

"Yeah, balloon fanatic myself, loved blowing them up when I was younger! It's time for me to head off, you need to sleep more. It's my day off tomorrow; I'll come round at first visiting hours and pick you up okay?"

"Sounds good, I'll need to get home and get changed anyway, can't meet Mrs Scarlatti in a hospital gown!" I said raising an eyebrow to his expression.

"Personally I would rather see what's under it!" he whispered.

I went beetroot!

He laughed as the colour went right up my face and up my hairline – I looked sunburnt with the flush across my face. He came over and planted a kiss on me that would have knocked anyone dead – damn the man could kiss!

"See you in the morning, sleep well Mackenzie….you may not tomorrow!"

With that I heard the heart monitor pick up my accelerated heartbeat and flushed again as I snuggled under the covers and smiled. Now its official, we were an item privately and I was meeting his mum….that's terrifying!

Shaking my head, I sent him a picture of me blowing him a kiss from the bed and after a minute or two of looking at the balloon, I fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

After a hot shower, fresh set of clothes and a happy dose of pancakes from IHOP courtesy of Spike; I was getting a last physical for walking with the ribs. I already knew how painful they could be and the Physio just wanted to know I could handle it before heading home. Twenty minutes later we were on the elevator down to the car park and we bumped into Ross and Nick who were getting discharged too. Catching up on recovery details, we all agreed to head to the barn to clock in our medical notes and check up on the guys before heading home. The drive took a little longer than normal due to the massive pain it was going over speed bumps in the city limits, apologising to everyone after every one we had to go over, they eventually just turned up the music and let me swear all I wanted.

Spike parked up and we all headed in and waved to Winnie who was manning the dispatch desk. She handed us the required folder and we slipped in the notes and headed to the gym to catch up with everyone.

"Hey guys, you're meant to be on medical leave, no haunting the barn!" Sam says putting down the weights.

"Just handing in the paperwork, no big issues!" I replied giving him a hug.

Jules came round the corner and spotted how close Spike and me were to each other, she automatically smiled and waved. Heading over I grinned and gave her a hug before getting dragged into the locker room.

"That was a very intense look he gave you, that and you're nearly joined at the hip! Spill it; please tell me it is good news?"

"We are taking it nice and slow Jules, and boy he can kiss!" I said grinning.

"Oh thank god for that, we were going to start a board up with the amount of UST in the barn – the bet was who would pounce first!"

I burst out laughing and flushed red again – I really needed to learn to control that emotional display but I was laughing too much at Jules. She was jumping up and down on the spot and I had to calm her down before she ruptured something, or me! After giving her some of the details, she calmed down even more and agreed to help me with the makeover later on before heading to see his mum.

Heading back over to where everyone was gathered, I spotted Ed and Wordy come up from the garage, waving to them both, they came over and gave me a gentle hug.

"You are meant to be on medical leave, why the visit?" he asks me.

"Hand in the paperwork for the medical exams; you know how the medics don't like leaving things till last minute when it comes to healthcare. We bumped into Nick and Ross as well, so we came to check on the victims of the TDR. Any issues, headaches, nausea?" I replied.

"No, I'm fine. You are now under orders to go home, relax for the rest of the week and heal. Your ribs need time to stabilize or they will cause more problems than worth," Ed replied pointing me towards the door.

On that note the boss came round the corner from the changing rooms and smiled as he saw me standing with Nick and Ross. He came over, shook their hands and pulled me to the side.

"How you feeling?" he inquired keeping his voice low.

"I'm alright boss; I slept all night without any issues, had a good breakfast and I'm going home to rest for a while as I have a date tonight. I promise though I will not go clubbing!" I said honestly.

"He picked up the courage huh, about time too as he was driving us all nuts!" he replied nodding to Spike.

"Relax Mackenzie…..no way was that being kept secret for long! He was basically panting after you…..must be the accent!" Sam said laughing.

Yup, I could feel the beetroot face coming back.

"Where is he taking you?" he said laughing softly.

I looked up at him and my eyebrows rose as I saw him profile my reaction to his comment about the date.

"Family dinner at his house, I think I am officially terrified!" I said grinning.

"You'll be fine, Mrs Scarlatti brought up a fine young man, she maybe mama tiger for a moment, but she will love you!"

"The Taliban were less scary!" I whispered.

Sam looked at me and burst out laughing before patting me on the shoulder and walking away.

Hugging him I nodded and headed back to Jules who was catching up with Nick and Ross on the events of yesterday's incident and all the juicy gossip of the cold shower manoeuvre. Checking with Jules about what time she was going to come over to the apartment later on, we headed off and Spike dropped me off at the door.

"I'll come and get you about 7 okay? It's just dinner with the family, no pressure." He said after kissing me.

"Considering this is my first date ever, and on top of that I'm meeting you mum…I'm not sure what to wear, do, bring?" I said laughing.

He looked at me as it hit him I wasn't joking about the dating thing. It then dawned on him why I was constantly going beetroot when he made compliments towards me….I had never dated!

"Mackenzie, are you telling me you have never been swept off your feet by some rugged Highlander? Ever?" he said grinning.

I shook my head, red and embarrassed and now mortified he had discovered that he would be the first guy I went out with.

"That's not a problem is it Spike….I mean…..oh jeez this is mortifying!" I said covering my face and laughing.

"Actually it is cute as hell and can't wait for tonight. Go rest up, relax and then I'll be here at 7 okay!" he said giving me another kiss.

I nodded and shuffled out of the truck and into the building, thankfully it was cold outside and my face cooled down before any of the neighbours came outside and saw my face.

Eight hours later I was washed, polished and blown dry to perfection by Jules and standing in black trousers, purple top and small heeled boots. My hair was all curled up down my shoulders, make up applied and a huge bunch of herbal flowers were ready as a present for the lady of the house.

"I can't believe this is your first date Mac, how the hell did no-one pick you up before this?" she said giving me a spray of perfume.

I shrugged and twirled for her as requested by her moving my shoulders.

"I was geeky when I was younger, awkward and shy…then a complete head case for a couple of years. After that, I was too busy to date due to training and deployment. I don't know, blame the old fashioned catholic morals of don't dine and bed on the first date." I replied.

The doorbell went and I clocked the time of 7pm, Jules grinned and grabbed her bag and went to hide in the bedroom. Heading over to open the door, Spike stood there looking gorgeous in shirt and jeans. His mouth popped open and he grinned as he took me in.

"You look hot in combat gear, but damn your fine in that outfit!" he said whistling.

Again with the beetroot face, he was really good at doing that too me. I dragged him in and he pinned up against the wall before giving me a massive kiss and handing me a small bag. Opening it up, inside was a small key ring with a picture of him and me at work after a training day.

"I realised I never got you a welcome gift, thought you would like this to carry round?" he said grinning at me.

I loved it, and I loved the picture as it was taken after a real muddy exercise and we were both soaked to the skin and laughing our heads off. I took a small pouch out my own pocket and handed it to him; seem we both had presents to give each other.

"What is it, it's beautiful?" he says holding up the leather bracelet.

"It's a Scottish lucky heather charm. Its handpicked heather, dyed and heat treated to make it solid. I had a friend carve the leather to hold it. Thought the team would like them…..you just get yours now!" I replied

"Thank you, you ready to meet the family?" he said putting it on.

Nodding I grinned, grabbed the flowers and my bag and headed out; I could hear Jules laughing in the backroom…she was probably laughing her ass off. That night was wonderful. Spike's family were wonderful and I immediately loved them, seems they loved me too as Scots are well known to love families and me being catholic was seemingly a really big bonus! We had planned to stay at my place that night, but we got an emergency call in to the barn and had no option but to head in.

Once we arrived, we realised that it was going to be a long night due to a serious structural fault that took down the top part of the highway and caused a secondary chemical spill on the freeway, all hands needed. We all stood watching the news reports in the meeting room, the top level had crashed onto the bottom causing massive crush damage and knocking vehicles around the place. The backlog of traffic accidents and emergencies meant that Medevac was mainly used for trauma removal.

"Mackenzie, there is a call from the Army base for you on line one," Winnie shouted.

Clicking my headset I turned round to the window and got my PDA out.

The conversation was short and had been handled by the Commander and the CMO of the local base. I was a 'dispensable' member of the team and my training could be put to better use as field medic. I confirmed orders had been received and walked out the room straight to the locker room to calm down. My heart rate was going nuts, breathing was sped up and I needed to get some relief. I grabbed my knuckle gloves and headed to the gym.


	9. Chapter 9

I was punching the boxing bag hard, always in the same place and with the same venom I felt for the Commander for putting me in an impossible position. This would be the first medical intervention of a scale this size since Afghanistan; I was terrified it would break me beyond repair and I would lose everything. I had to stop thinking like this, my focus was slipping and my hands shook. I sat on the bench, then the floor; trying to calm my fears, lower my breathing pattern and keep my pulse steady. I leaned up against the wall and closed my eyes. I felt someone sit beside me…..Spike.

"I need to know what's going on in that head of yours Mackenzie. If you're not fit for this then there is no shame, you're still on medical leave."

"That's been overruled by the CMO of Ashton and the Commander. Seems I am a 'dispensable' member of the team and have been reactivated," I replied.

"WHAT!" he nearly shouted.

"I've been ordered by the Commander and UNCA to report to the trauma field hospital at the old ice arena on Freeway 32. I'm to report immediately as field medic until this incident has been resolved." I said blankly.

"What? Our Commander ordered you? Knowing your history and that this could trigger…" he replied getting us both up off the ground.

"Yeah, starting to feel he doesn't want me around and he's trying to pull it so he can declare me a head case and get rid of me. He knows my history, he knows this could trigger me; but I've still to go and head up a team of cadets and help….I'm not army anymore…..he pulled a favour for this to happen!" I hissed back taking another swing at the bag.

He gripped my arms and held me still, I wasn't fighting him, and he was doing what Greg told him to do to centre me if I was losing focus. He counted in fours; I counted back and flexed my fingers down his wrist and then opened my eyes.

"Thanks, sorry you had to see that." I whispered.

"Never apologise for what you had thrown at you in life. I told you that I thought you a hero, a true hero…..my mum agreed with me. You risked your life in combat to save people you may not even know, that act is true bravery and I am very proud of it. So why don't we go and let the team know what has been ordered, and we can decide what to do?" he whispered kissing me.

I nodded and followed him to the others where we explained what was going to happen. Greg and Ed were livid, Sam was ready to invoke the MHA status to protect me and Jules wanted to go practice with the TDR. After a heated argument with the Commander, I was ordered to comply or be disciplined severely and removed from Team one. I was cleared for duty for medical assistance only and had to report to the main unit with my team and then break for support details and liaise with the local army units via the base. The other teams were doing damage control and crowd management to get the worst injured out of the zone and into immediate decontamination and treatment.

That was four days ago.

I had the occasional message from the team letting me know they were fine, I struck gold with the army medics I found myself with and we triaged everyone coming in and prioritised everyone by the book. We were dealing with everything from basic wound care and shock to massive life changing injuries and fatalities needing called. I had been temporary promoted to field doctor under the UNCO regulations and was assigned my own team…..we all knew the drill; we just got on with what was needed to be done. None of us really took breaks, we just grabbed coffee and snacks on the run and ensured that anyone who was able had the care they needed before being transported to temporary shelters and field hospitals set up around the local areas. I had a briefing on the second day, more like a notice that due to having surgical experience, I was authorised to perform surgery unless it was specialised. My training had prepared me for this, I could handle most things apart from CV surgery which were airlifted to the general hospitals; but doing so on a massive scale such as this was brutal. I was literally thrown a team and a pair of clean combats and after cleaning up, given my first patient that required surgery…..that was the last of the outside world I remember seeing for at least two days.

Even with the amount of support flown in and all medical staff on duty, we couldn't save everyone. I was sitting at an empty desk after doing the latest rounds and labs on my last forty patients when a cup of coffee was passed to me by Laura, one of the other combat medics who had been called up.

"Thanks Laura, for everything!" I said stretching my neck.

"It's the job right…you were amazing in there…..how did you keep on going like that, it was at least 76 hours between the two rooms? And I find you here when you should be sleeping and letting us do all this!"

She pointed to around the room where the second shift of staff had taken over and the others gone for food and sleep. As the only 'doctor' for these forty patients left in this field unit, I stayed up and did the labs, paperwork and any issues that needed managed.

"It's the job. If your due to go on deployment anytime soon, call me up….I'll give you pointers for your kit…big difference to what you need and want to take." I said clinking coffee cups.

She headed off and went to go get some fresh air as I turned back to the paperwork on the table. Thankfully the Admin Core had kept track of who came in, status and location; made our jobs a lot easier when it came to the families claiming them or letting us inform the families. I had gone through the lists that were uploaded onto the military database and thankfully no one from any team's families were involved; saved a huge amount of stress. After doing another set of rounds once the last batch of patients had been relocated to the surrounding hospitals, clinics or even released home; I handed all the documents over in the crates to the admin core several hours later and slumped against the wall. A message had come from Winnie to say that the guys were coming to pick me up on the way back to the barn; they had been stood down on the third day and returned to normal duties as the distraction had turned Toronto into a crime city within hours. I checked my watch; it was 11.35pm on a Saturday. I had got the call to duty on a Sunday….jeez!

The building we occupied for the hospital unit was the old ice rink just outside town, it was a perfect staging area for the medevac choppers, ambulances and had cold storage for the supplies required. I had donated several times over the last few days, had no option too due to the demand for blood and I was feeling the effects of it. My combats that had been changed several times were still covered in blood from helping transport people; my face was raw from dehydration and my knees were now officially knocking from lack of sleep and exercise in cramped quarters. I leaned my head back against the wall and pulled over a blanket left for me.

Two men climbed out the SUV and headed at a pace into the old ice rink, the place had a very strong smell of copper, the smell of blood; both of them had to cover their mouths. Climbing up the stairs they looked into the main arena and saw the carnage left by the medics, all the surgical swabs, kits and bloody blankets lying about the place.

"So this is what the organised blood bath looks like?" Wordy whispered.

"Yeah; come on, we need to find her and get her home."

They flashed their lights around the place and eventually spotted a huddled mass in a corner of the office. Kneeling down they saw a young soldier covered by a thin blanket and looking like she had just come through hell. I had blood on my t-shirt, combats and boots and was chalk white from exhaustion.

A gentle hand shook me awake; starting from the shock I sat bolt up and landed on the floor again after bouncing off someone.

"Easy kiddo, it's just us!" Ed said holding me up.

I shook my head and smiled lazily as I saw wordy and Ed kneeling beside me with a jacket and blanket. Taking their hands, I pulled myself up and staggered out of sheer tiredness. They both took my arms and put me on the bench before wrapping me up for travel.

"Sorry guys, been a long shift!" I whispered.

"Yeah, seems you turned into superwoman again! The CO says you haven't slept since Sunday? Have you at least eaten?" Wordy inquired.

"Yeah, eaten and drank…..not enough time to sleep since some idiot thought I would make a good surgeon….which sucked!" I replied taking the bottle of water from Ed.

They pulled me up and both wrapped the arms around my waist to guide me out the arena and to the truck parked up outside, they put me in the back and I opened the window to get some more fresh air. We headed towards the city along the back road and I noticed that the highway was set up for diverted traffic and it was holding its own; the freeway was stabilized and undergoing repairs to the structure. I suddenly felt really queasy; I bit back a lot of vomit and tapped to Wordy to pull over. Jumping out the back I ran to the side of the road and threw up violently; the stress of the last few days setting in and the shock of the sheer magnitude of what we had done had hit me hard. I sucked it up, drank a bit of water then climbed back into the truck again.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"Are you okay?" replied Ed.

Ten minutes later we were parked up outside the barn and headed in, I was feeling a lot better than earlier and just wanted to go for a hot shower and hit the sack. I walked into the meeting room and saw Parker there with Spike. Both of them stood up and came over as I waved.

"How the hell you do what you do Mackenzie? Are you alright?" he asked giving me a massive hug.

"Yeah boss. Okay no I'm not fine. I'm sore, tired, smelly and emotionally exhausted so I'm not going to be much fun for the next couple of days. Can I go home or has the good doctor prescribed something?" I replied nodding to the small white paper bag on the table.

"Mogadon sleeping tablet, this one time….please take it. Spike is going to take you home and be your contact with Jules for the next couple of days. Any sleep disturbances you have they will tell me about in confidence okay."

Nodding I took the small bag and shoved it into my pocket as Spike and Jules led me out of the building and back towards the truck. I let them strap me in and before I knew it I was at the apartment. I couldn't move as my body was that exhausted, that I was in pain if I tried to move. Spike decided to just pick me up and carry me to the lift and apartment with Jules doing door duty.

Twenty minutes later I was wash, dried and being force fed some soup that Jules made and Spike had put my gear into wash and had gone for a shop to fill the empty kitchen. My ribs were still a little sore, but they had a good time to heal over the last week as I restricted myself from lifting and focused on the immediate medical issues at hand. I was getting a little tired of the fuss they were making over me and really just wanted to be left alone, I knew they were just making sure I was okay, but it was getting silly when they started doing my blood pressure at the table.

"Guys, honestly I just want to go to bed!" I snapped as I pulled my arm back.

"You'll get to go once we have done these checks. You have been through one hell of a week and your blood pressure is really low, we need to keep it monitored in case there are issues. Your due to report for a full physical tomorrow as well….this is coming from the boss." Jules replied.

Sighing I held out my arm again and let them do the checks before I was happily pulled to the bedroom by Spike. He had been really quiet for the evening and it wasn't until Jules left a while later he really started talking to me. I was wrapped up in bed, annoyingly unable to fall asleep!

"A buddy of mine told me that you got a field commission and were performing surgeries for a solid three days. Why did you push yourself so hard?" he said sitting opposite me in the bed.

"It was carnage Spike, my training kicked in and I went with the flow of what was happening. Trust me; those surgeries were nothing spectacular, basic emergency procedures and very simple surgeries that were relayed to me if I got stuck. You do enough of them, you remember the procedure." I replied.

"Wordy said that when he and Ed found you, you were alone, exhausted and they had to stop as you were sick. Did your PTS kick in during the week?"

I looked at him and sighed, my eyes were stinging from trying to stay awake all week and I knew that if my system didn't shut down manually, I was going to have to take that stupid tablet in the bag. Then I knew I was going to be in serious trouble as the PTS had kicked in several times, but I fought back every time and shoved it to the back of my mind as I dealt with the carnage in the rink.

"Mackenzie I only want to support you, but I can see it in your body language, in your eyes. You're suffering because you gave everything you had to help the victims and got no support back. I know what it was like in there, I tried finding you twice during callouts, and it was carnage. Help me support you tonight, tell me how bad this could be for you so I can get ready to do what's needed."

I looked him straight in the eye and took his hands, dragging him to cuddle up to on the bed and showed him a list on my PDA. It was the final tally marks of patient records going through our unit. He immediately dropped the PDA onto the bed and dragged me to him as I started to cry.

"Mac, too many bad memories coming back up at once is never good, what it must be like with PTS triggers must be soul destroying. I'm not going anywhere though, I'm staying with you through all of it!" he said kissing my forehead and just letting me cry it out as my body fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Spike and Parker were sitting in the kitchen the next day, the boss had come round with the shrink to make sure I was alright after the trauma of the last week and to make sure my BP had rose again. I was out cold, had been for over 20 hours now and Spike had barely left my side through everything that happens once the PTS kicks in. All the crying, screaming and nightmares that come back to haunt me, he held me through and kept me sane by using a lifeline. I had started to wake up and I was sore in every part of my body, I knew I would be once the nitrogen started getting reabsorbed into my system. I looked out the window and saw a beautiful clear morning and I could feel the fresh air from the open window. Heading to the bathroom I cleaned myself up and got changed before heading through to the kitchen to find Parker, Spike and Jules chatting about rotas.

"Good morning sunshine, how are you feeling?" Parker inquired.

"Feel like crap, but a better crap than yesterday thanks to Spike. I'm starving, any food left in the house or has the Italian mouse eaten everything?" I said grinning.

"I went shopping this morning for you Mac, fancy some pancakes and tea?" Jules replied.

Nodding I headed across to the table and sat on the bench beside everyone. I knew they were only worried about me and needed to be reassured that I was fit enough to return to work on the next rota.

"Boss, think we could go and see the shrink today? You're going to want to know all the news that you weren't aware of from the arena. It's nothing bad, just usual crap that the brain remembers!" I whispered.

"Yeah, whatever you need Mac. I think it may be a good idea if Spike comes too. If you two are serious, then he has to know everything."

"I already do. She slipped last night after showing me her tally scores for what they went through in the arena. Her defences were so low from exhaustion she basically had nothing left to fight with. The commander turned her into a wreck boss….how is he justified to do that?" he replied looking at me.

"Spike, UNCO rules are specific when dealing with incidents like this. ALL HANDS are needed, and since she was military, they reactivated her and dragged her back to hell."

I was staring at Jules making the pancakes and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The same image of my team entering the building and doing a sweep; a shot went off and hit my cover. I dragged him to me and started work on him to stop the bleeding and stabilize his vitals. I then hear a click and watch as an IED destroys my team and blows me through the wall. I can feel nothing, but witness everything….the faces of my team, my face….Spike, Greg, Wordy, Ed, Jules and Sam…..fire!

I woke up again to the annoying beeping sound; I smacked my hand off the table again. Opening my eyes I looked at the ceiling and groaned – I was in the hospital again!

Looking about I noticed I was alone; I sat up and ached in every muscle of my body….what the hell happened?

The door clicked open and in walked Wordy, his face lit up immediately as he saw I was awake and responsive.

"Wordy, what the hell happened? Why am I back in hospital? Last thing I remember is talking to boss, Jules and Spike in the kitchen and then a headache…..what did I do?" I ask pointedly.

"You had a serious flashback episode caused by exhaustion. Seemingly when you went into the kitchen for breakfast that morning, you were still in the middle of an episode. One minute you were talking to everyone and next you were on unresponsive and having a full blown recall. Scared the crap out of everyone there and needed to be sedated by the EMS. Boss has gone nuclear at the Commander for ordering you into this mess." He replied.

I stared at him. I knew exactly what a full episode meant for me. I was out of the team for good. I would be unemployed, become depressed and end up being the 'Scorpio' hit. My monitor went haywire, people came running into the room prepared for a cardiac arrest and found me still sitting there staring at Wordy. Parker had run into the room at the first sound of the alarm with the doctors and breathed a sigh of relief as he saw me alive.

"Mac, I need you to calm down your breathing for me, can you do that?"

I gripped the pillow and closed my eyes. Running my head through the piano scales and four counts I brought my heart rate back down and controlled my breathing. I opened my eyes again and I just cried huge sobs. I felt Wordy and Parker take my hands and hold me through the last stages of the process. The 'grief stage' is when your brain accepts the issues and resolves the emotions to fit the scenario. I had never cried or grieved for my team mates, and the incident on the freeway had opened the door enough for things to be dealt with.

It must have been several hours later that I woke up again to find Spike beside the bed reading, he looked exhausted and was still in his tactical gear. I checked him over visually and found only a small wire cut to his hand which told me he had been disarming today. He clocked I was awake and leaned forward; he grinned and kissed my forehead.

"Welcome back to the world of the living, you've been out awhile. How do you feel?" he asked putting down his book.

"Lighter if that makes sense; doesn't feel like I have so much pressure on my chest anymore. Take it I just needed a good cry huh!" I replied taking his hand.

"That's what the boss said, you had it all bottled up inside and your brain couldn't deal with it anymore so it shut down to protect itself. You have been given a clean bill of health otherwise, but are going to be evaluated for fitness."

I nodded knowing that was SOP for this scenario.

"I'm guessing the Commander must be recruiting already to fill the space on the team…..any lucky candidates?" I replied.

Spike looked at me really confused and it dawned on him.

"You're not fired Mac. The Commander overstepped his mark and has taken early retirement after the team went after him for causing you all this harm. Greg even called in your old Colour Sergeant and he went postal…..think he actually threatened to get some friends over from Dundee and come kick the crap out of him. To be honest, they actually did come over….they want to see you as soon as your out and about."

I lay there and just stared at him. My old squad of 250 was over in Toronto to see me? What the hell where they doing here?

"You have another visitor by the way, my mom! She's brought you some clean clothes and home cooked food. She thinks you just need some pampering and she wanted to say goodbye before she left for Italy." He replied.

The door opened and she walked in and had a little cry with seeing me on the bed; she immediately came around and started to plump up the pillows and smooth back my hair. I grinned through all the pampering and sat up as I was fed a massive meal that we all shared in the room.

I was released the next afternoon after arguing that I wanted to be out to see Spike's mom away safely; they had relented after I agreed weekly psych meetings and random tests again through the SRU. I rushed to get changed and I drove to Spike's house at speed fearing that I would miss them, thankfully I pulled up outside twenty minutes later to find his car still there. I walked up the stairs and knocked on the door.

"Mackenzie! Why didn't you say you were getting out of the hospital today? Come in, Mikey is just packing the boxes upstairs!" she said surprised.

I was pulled into the house and kissed and cuddled by most of the family who had come to help her do the last minute boxes before heading to the airport. I headed upstairs and saw Spike packing up some photos from a spare bedroom; they must have been of his dad.

"You look like him; you have the same strong features and eyes as most of the men in your family," I whispered.

He jumped slightly and grinned as I walked into the room.

"Why didn't you say you were getting out? I would have picked you up!" he said kissing me.

"Didn't want to pull you away from your family today," I replied.

We headed downstairs with the photos and loaded them up in the car boot before going in for a last minute family goodbye. It was heart wrenching watching everyone say goodbye at the house, only myself and Spike would be heading to the airport with her – I knew he would have a bad couple of days to begin with, but I made sure she had contacts with Skype to keep in contact. It took us an hour to get to the airport and we all headed through to the departure lounge with her and I gave her a final hug and best wishes as her flight was called.

"You make sure he takes good care of himself and you child alright? If he doesn't then you know where I am!" she said smiling.

I laughed and brushed away the tears, I would really miss her and the support she had given me over the last couple of weeks. She turned to Spike who was in tears and she gave him the 'mama stare'. They spoke for a few minutes and then with a final kiss to us both and a wave, she headed through the gate.

I took his hand and put my arms around his waist as he dried his eyes; we watched as the plane finally took off twenty minutes later.

"Come on sweetheart, she would not like us standing here feeling sorry – she told us to live our lives! She is at the other end of the phone when we need her alright!" I whispered as I took his hands.

I gently led him away from the gate and back towards the main lounge so we could watch the plane leave safely.


	11. Chapter 11

**One year since arrival**

I stood in front of a man who was threatening to immolate himself.

"You really need to put the lighter down Scott, you're thinking of a permanent solution to a temporary problem! Think about your family, of your friends?"

He just stared at me; I had a feeling this was going to go south really quickly if the connection wasn't made.

We were on a callout at a local business centre; an ex-employee had come back for revenge and started to shoot his old managers in revenge for destroying his life. We had managed to clear most of the building in the area he had access too, but still had found three dead bodies with bullet holes in their heads. I was paired up with Sam doing the rundown of the south corridor when we turned the corner near the lifts and gunfire took out the glass panels beside us. We both hit the deck and shielded ourselves, but Sam had been hit in the upper shoulder with a hollow point. I called the signal of man down and had started first aid and stabilized his wound as the other team members came around the corner. I had been snuck up on and found myself with a gun to my head and in front of everyone of my team.

"Okay everyone, take a step back and get Sam out of danger zone. Mackenzie, are you alright?" Ed inquired as he looked at me and the other man.

"No harm boss, I got Sam stabilized and then got caught from behind."

Ed motioned for the team to drop back another couple of paces, the man behind me was getting edgy and I could smell the alcohol on him. He dragged me into the room opposite the team's location and I immediately smelt the gasoline. The room was full of the jerry cans used to power the emergency generators in these old buildings. The man moved towards them and started to unclasp them all, I knew immediately that one of us was going to get wet quickly – hopefully not me!

"Sir, I am begging you not to do this. It's not a good way to get out of life's problems – it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem – I don't want you to do this! Think of your family. Think of your friends!" I whispered to him.

He was getting more and more agitated by the minute, I could tell he had been drinking but his body language told me that there was possible drug use as well in play. That was a bad sign as it made him incredibly prone to delusions and made his thinking very irrational. The Sarg was doing a background check on this guy with Spike in the truck, I whispered to them to keep calm and for the boss to give me directions on what to say and do with the information they had – apart from my medical duties in the team, I found I was more suited to attack force than negotiation skills – something that surprised us all during training.

"Alright Mac, we need to find out what he believes got him fired. If there is a common connection between his drug use and his work, then we have the key to figuring out what he needs help for." The boss said over the radio.

"Any word on his medical history or mental health records?" I whispered.

"No MHR, but he is on some serious pain medications due to recovery from cancer several years ago. This could be the nervous breakdown caused by the stress and recent divorce he just went through. Tread carefully here!" Spike replied.

"Copy that!" I replied.

I moved a little bit further back and called on him gently.

"Scott, I know you have had a hard time recently with family issues and the amazing recovery from cancer, you are a strong man who doesn't give up without a fight. Nothing you have done today can be forgiven, but killing yourself only hurts others, including your family. I know you are angry, what you must have endured through Chemo and Radiotherapy – it's a horrible process to go through alone." I said gently, keeping my hands in the air.

He had covered the room with gasoline and the fumes were getting stronger and stronger within the enclosed space, it was a fire show that was going to be explosive if I didn't get this calmed down quickly.

"Try and connect again Mac – use anything you have!"

I looked at Scott and I thought of home, the work of the cancer charities and how they have achieved so much with their clients.

"Scott, back home in Scotland we have a charity called Maggie's. They are registered nurses who specialise in cancer and do a lot of great support work for those in treatments across Scotland. They also have online help that connects to a global network of survivors, people who help each other out with minor chores to full on living expenses – I can contact them and arrange support advice if you would like?"

Then the situation took the quickest nose dive in SRU history.

He stepped forward at me and fired his weapon straight into my chest. I was thrown backwards and shot again at close range, this one nicking the side of my waist and I could feel the blood pooling at my side on the floor. It felt like a long shallow wound, but it stung like a bastard!

"MAC, can you hear us? Come on speak to us!" the Sarg shouted down the radio.

"Boss, we need to get in there now!" Ed replied down the radio as he took point.

The wind had been knocked out of me by the first impact hitting my vest, I knew it had impacted over the body armour but it was a central rib hit and I knew I would be black and blue. I reached down and double tapped my radio unit, hitting up Morse code for Spike.

"Boss, I'm getting Morse code through the radio. It's Mac, she's been hit!"

I tried taking some deep breathes to get the sting over and done with, but Scott had other plans and dumped a full can of gasoline over me and as it hit my waist I screamed as it burned in the wound.

"Alpha team, do you have eyes on the target?" Parker demanded.

"Copy that boss, Sierra One has solution but we need an extraction route due to the gasoline spillage. If we take him out, she dies too in the fireball." Jules said.

"Okay hard tactical entrance and extraction on my count. Spike, be ready with the sprinkler system as we enter – that should buy us enough time to get her out safely. Ten second count down and we get her out and hopefully he doesn't cause the place to explode!" Ed ordered everyone.

I looked up at Scott and he was dousing himself in more gasoline, I suddenly felt the water system turn on and shouting coming from the team's entrance. I was grabbed by my vest hook and dragged out of the room before I felt the fireball touch my toes and set my feet on fire. I was doused in water and rolled onto my side to smother any hotspots as I was dragged outside the building and into the water bath made ready by the fire department.

"Let's get her on the stretcher, she's been shot twice!" I heard a voice.

I was moved onto the stretcher and my vest was removed, a hollow point bullet was lodged in the vest over my breastbone and another one was half in the vest and half in my waist. I was hooked up to oxygen and before I knew it I was out cold.


	12. Chapter 12

I woke up disorientated, did I dream what happened? I tried to move and suddenly realised that it wasn't a dream and I was stuck in hospital again. I took a deep breath and dragged myself up slightly and had a look down my hospital gown at my chest. I saw the long padded dressing across my waist and the wonderful paint pallet that was my chest due to the impact. I looked at the IV's and noted the lack of painkillers, only Bucospan was present in the drips as requested by doctor's orders. The door opened and in walked a nurse and doctor with some dressings needing to be changed.

"Welcome back to the world of the living, it's been a couple of days since you arrived. How do you feel?" the doctor asked kindly.

"Like I took two hollow point rounds to the chest and abdomen, I don't recommend it!" I replied sarcastically.

They both smiled at the joke and got on with the dressing change. They talked for a couple of minutes and gave me a full update on what happened and also informed me that Sam was doing fine and should make a full recovery. There were no complications with myself either, but I would be in for another couple of days due to the gasoline causing some irritation around the wound. I nodded and thanked them for their help and support and drifted off to sleep again quickly, it was only 3am – sure as hell wasn't getting up before 8am.

The next morning I was visited by the surgeon who checked over the wound, I was to start stronger antibiotics for a day or so as the irritation of the wound hadn't gone down. The Physio also came in and got me up and about for a quick walk, which allowed me to get washed up and changed into some scrubs they had found for me – sure as hell beat the gowns! It was around 6pm that I woke up again, the medication was making me sleepy; thankfully I only had to have another couple of IV bags of them since the swelling was down and my temperature was lower than before. I got up slowly and freshened myself up again, I hobbled over to the window and had a look outside at the city that was surprisingly calm for October. I turned round as the door opened and in walked Sam, he was still pretty pale but getting shot by hollows did that to you.

"Hey Sam, what are you doing up?" I said walking back over to him.

"Physio asked me to get mobilised after I was cleaned up; this is the first time I've been out of bed for a day or so due to the painkillers. How are you doing?" he replied sitting on the big chair and putting his feet on the rails of the bed.

I sat back down on the bed and passed him a pillow for his shoulder.

"I'm alright considering what happened, few stitches and a course of antibiotics for the gasoline burn – had a lot worse!" I replied honestly.

"What's the news on recovery?"

"Should be full recovery; there was no damage to nerves or bone and the bullet went right through. Main issue was blood loss that you stopped. Thanks for that!" he replied.

"No worries, makes us even on the first aid scorecard!" I said laughing.

The door opened again and the team walked in to find us both laughing about how easy the morning had started to how shitty it had ended – everyone was just looking at us and must have thought we were high!

"Hey guys – seems the medical downtime is working wonders. How are you both feeling?" Parker asks us both.

"Think were good boss, good recovery schedules and Physio says that we should be back to speed within a couple of weeks for me and possibly next week for Mac." Sam replied as Jules sat on the end of the bed.

"That's great news guys, we just need to do a debrief with you for records and then we can let the lovebirds have some alone time!" he replied smiling.

We both looked around the curtains to outside in the corridor; Jules and Spike were both standing waiting as patiently as possible on the boss being finished with the debrief. We went over the transcripts, action plan and thoughts over what had happened and why it escalated so quickly? I wanted to find out exactly how it happened too since his mental shift went from one extreme to another within seconds and there was no mental health history for the victim. The boss said he would get the autopsy results for me via the hospital so I could look over them and figure out where I went wrong if my suspicions were correct about his health.

"Hey Jules, come to collect the invalid?" I said grinning and she walked in.

"Laugh all you want Mackenzie – your other half is outside and has had a call from his mom – someone is in trouble!"

Aww crap! I forgot that Mrs Scarlatti watched CNN – she would have seen everything and called Mike immediately once the situation was contained.

"Well on that note, I will come by tomorrow with the notes from the autopsy for you, we need to discuss the negotiating skills!" he said raising his eyebrow.

"Okay boss, sounds like a good plan since I screwed up so badly – I just don't understand how things unfolded?" I replied as Sam and Jules left.

He laid his hand on my shoulders and looked at me.

"Do not trouble yourself over this; unfortunately situations like this can be a dead pool before they begin. You tried, had a little success with the connection route, but things went sour. Rest tonight, once you are discharged you can come by the barn and we can talk alright?"

Nodding I sat back on the bed and waved him goodbye, he clasped Spike on the shoulder as he passed him and Spike came over to me with a small bag full of clothes and wrapped present.

"Hey, how you feeling?" he whispered kissing me.

"I'm alright, the antibiotics are kicking the infection out and I should hopefully be out tomorrow or the next day. You been out with Babycakes today?" I said as I noticed the colouration on his skin.

He showed me his hands, rough patches, small burns and scars from the diffusion attempts and call outs. The colouration was the tar leakage from C4, the oil was a nightmare to get off your skin and he had probably soaked his hands in the vinegar solution to remove most of it.

"Yeah, had a couple of hoax callouts in the last couple of days, we've had some fun – but missed you more! Are you really alright?" he asked as he cuddled into the bed with me.

"Yeah, no issues to deal with this time since I know roughly what happened from A to B, as long as I can make sense of it, I won't have any issues to deal with. Jules said your mom called?" I replied snuggling in.

He sighed and laughed gently, there were no secrets in our team and everyone had heard the call that Spike got when he was in the barn.

We lay there chatting for a while and he remembered the small package he brought with him and passed it over to me. I grinned and opened it up; it was a can of Irn Bru and a small teddy bear from the mall. Laughing I called the gothic looking teddy 'Spiker' and grinned at the can of Irn Bru he brought me, thankfully you could get it in Canada – I would be lost if you didn't!


	13. Chapter 13

A few days later I was cleared for duty, it was just the bruising I was dealing with now and the healing wound that was not causing any issues anymore since the infection had cleared up. I still had to pass the evaluations at the barn but I was confident that they shouldn't be an issue considering it was not PTS related. The only issue I had now was dealing with the mandatory training for negotiators, I was sure I had screwed up somewhere when I tried connecting with Scott and it was irritating the hell out of me; the only other option could be explained in the ME report which I was waiting for. That morning I was lying on the couch after going for a run, Spike was upstairs doing something to the computer when we received the call from the boss to turn up for the training, I got off the couch and headed upstairs to wash up and let Spike know what was going on. Half an hour later we were parking outside the barn and I grabbed my gear in case we got a call during the day; even though it was only 9am, we hurried inside as the cold wind was making us both shiver and we hoped it wouldn't lead to the joyful snow storm that we had been expecting – personally I loved snow, but it was a nightmare to do drills in!

"Guys, welcome to hell!" said a member of team five who had been doing the training yesterday and had just re-qualified by his teeth.

I looked over at Spike and flinched – I was really not that a great negotiator, I was more a tactical trained medic who was great at hard entry and point and shoot stuff – this was going to be hell! I waved to him as we separated and I headed to get changed and then into the meeting room where two others were sitting with Parker and another man I instantly recognised. I tried to turn back and duck out the way, but Ed cornered me and shoved me into the room, he kept his hand through my vest hook and held me still as the man looked at me.

"It's been a long time since I have seen you Corporal Fraser, and congratulations on the new role in SRU." He said politely.

Parker looked at him and then at me, I was stock still and trying to keep my face neutral to stop the look of loathing flash across my face. I knew part of the training involved a mandatory psych evaluation by an outsider – but by him?

"Dr Toth – you never mentioned to me that you knew her?" Parker asked.

"It was deemed unnecessary since you are already aware of how badly she was injured in combat. That mixed in with the recent events of the failed negotiation and the medical deployment order from the previous CO of SRU – she was due to be evaluated – this seemed the perfect time since she was due for re-training." He replied as he picked up my file.

I tried backing up as he walked closer to me but Ed had adjusted his grip, he whispered into my ear, trying to get me to hold still.

"I know you don't want to be here, but this is the only way you will be able to re-qualify – you need to do this by the book!"

I took a deep breath and slowed down my breathing like Ed had taught me to during a practice run on the range when he wanted me to go for my sniper training. He relaxed his grip as he felt the tension go out my body and I voluntary moved my body forward and I went to sit on the seat opposite Toth. Parker still didn't look happy and I shook my head slightly in his direction and he sat down beside me as witness to the evaluation. Ed left us alone and I saw the rest of the team wait outside as the glass shutters frosted over and the metal shutters locked us in the room.

The psych evaluation was hell. I let everything out knowing that if I didn't I would never be re-activated for the team; what made it worse is that Parker was finding out second hand that Toth was involved in the recovery process after the mission that killed my entire team. I kept my face and voice neutral as much as possible as I relieved every moment and decision I had made over the last couple of months – from the medical deployment in the arena to the last call that I failed in saving Scott. We had been at it for over two hours and I was doing everything I could to make it finish as quickly as possible; he kept badgering me about the mission – about what I had done wrong, what I didn't do and what I could have done better. We delved right back into the specifics of where I was when the bomb went off, what I was doing – so I told him in graphic detail of what I was doing, who I was doing it too and how it played out to my eyes in slow motion. We were to the point of where I was lying over my CO stopping him from dying in the building, the bomb had just gone off and I was blown through drywall and out the back window space onto the rolls of razor wire. I closed my eyes as it flashed past me in real-time and I flinched slightly as I could feel the metal wire rip into my back.

"This is stopping now Toth – you're going to trigger her if you haven't already! You're here to help her, she deals with her issues through therapy as recommended and has never missed a session – we monitor her all the time and she has been making great progress – you are endangering that!" Parker demanded as he ripped off his leads to the polygraph.

"I'm fine boss, it's alright!" I replied flinching as I let go of the armrest.

"Like hell you are!" he stated back.

"Boss – It's necessary to remember – I'm broken and need fixed – that's why I have the sessions – he can't hurt me!" I whispered back.

"He's manipulating you emotionally – dredging back up painful memories is not productive to your therapy!" Parker whispered back as he leaned over me.

"She is right – she is alright – better controlled that I thought she would be! She has passed her evaluation Sergeant Parker; she is cleared for active duty after lunch." Toth replied switching off the tape recorder.

He unplugged all the wires across my chest and fingers, I didn't move knowing that if I did I would punch his face in; I gripped the arm rest and started to breathe again and shake off the adrenaline rush that always followed a trigger. I snapped my eyes open as I heard the case snap shut and the shutters open; Ed and Wordy were waiting on the other side in full tactical gear as they had been training and had been called by Keira when she heard the shouting from the meeting room. Toth nodded to them both as he headed out of the room and past them both, they just looked dead ahead and straight at us both.

"Boss, what's with the shouting Keira heard?" Wordy asked.

Parker leaned beside me and whispered into my ear.

"He went over the line on this one, what he has on you, he can't use since its confidential. You need to tell me Mac, so we can take this further if we need too."

I loosed my grip on the armrest and flexed my fingers, I stood up and faced Parker; he was looking at me and trying to judge if I was able to work today. I took a deep breath and leaned against the table.

"The unit I was assigned to as medic included Toth' nephew, he was the one who had been shot and I was trying to save just as the bomb went off. Just before I was blown out the window I saw him shoot himself in the head to spare him the pain of being burnt to death. During one of the first ever flashback episodes I ever had, it was always that memory that came back since…." I tried to finish.

Parker's whole body language just changed instantly as I was talking through a moment in my past I really didn't want to divulge after the last couple of hours. He tried to stop me from going any further; I shook it off and took another deep breath.

"In the camp there was over 20 suicides, most we managed to catch and deal with at the time and more than half recovered – but I walked into a storage unit one day getting some supplies and found two members of another team dead on the floor – they were my trainee's." I replied.

"There was nothing you could do for them?" Wordy asked.

"No, they had shot themselves with their firearms at close range in the temple, both were combat medics like myself, but one was also a sniper in training and had a family at home. I had to contact their families and explain what had happened and why they would now be abandoned by their government. It's just part of the parcel of being a soldier, it has its up and downs like any role in life." I replied.

"Why would Toth not tell you he knew Mac or was connected to her through his family? Any ideas on that one" Ed asked.

"Because he feels like I am responsible for killing his nephew, or at least connected to why he would commit suicide. I tried to explain to him during one of our sessions – he constantly changed the conversation and I didn't press anymore. I thought it was maybe too soon for him to deal with as he was his nephews guardian and they were close." I replied.

"So what, he thinks you're responsible for making his nephew kill himself in Afghanistan? That's twisted," Wordy replied.

"It's also an abuse of power – you really have a habit of bringing out the worst in people Mac! First the CO and then Toth," Ed replied.

I glared up at him, using my own 'death glare' as I had been told; he flinched and then surrendered. I leaned back against the wall and Parker sent me back into the room to get five minutes of peace and quiet before we had to get on with the training I was due.

"Do you want us to warn Spike of what's going on?" Wordy asked.

"No, it's her choice to tell him but if we get a call then she is a non-combatant, she flashbacked during the conversation – she isn't thinking straight at the moment. You guys go finish your training, we finish at 8 and it's going to be long day patrolling."


	14. Chapter 14

Several hours later after resitting the 'Negotiator routine', we were on patrol in the city and I was teamed up with Ed which was like being paired up with Darth Vader! He was always good for a laugh and would take his turn when he was due a ribbing, but his comment today after Toth burned me. I was checking out some news on the laptop regarding updates on the latest bioterror alerts for Canada and updating subscription alerts for back home so I could keep track of certain interests and developments. I had been really quiet most of the patrol and just answered when queried or checking in, but with the glances from Ed and then constant double clicks from the others, I was getting pissed off with the amount of tension I could feel in my shoulders from feeling everyone's eyes on me. I had just put aside the laptop when we got a call from Winnie regarding a possible break in at a local branch of a bank. Hitting the sirens we launched round a corner and drove the four blocks to where the muster point was and Team 3 were located after calling in for assistance. We jumped out the car and grabbed our gear from the boot and made our way to where Parker and the others we already located.

"What's the deal boss?" Ed inquired taking in the scene.

"Alarm triggered by employee after being ordered to empty till drawers, he managed to get away and trigger the ground alarm but has been shot in the lower back. He's being treated by internal security guard but it doesn't look good, Ed, scrap what I said earlier – you're going to need her in there with you!"

I glared at Parker, I had heard him earlier tell Ed not to put me on tactical and I had let it slide knowing he was right about me thinking straight. I went back to the truck and grabbed my medical bag and slammed some more meds into it from the locker in the boot; heading back over I stood at the side and awaited my orders. As the team was deployed into smaller units, I was left with Parker to enter from the front at the end of action. I heard a click and then felt a double tap on my shoulder from Parker, turning round I moved over and stood up against the truck.

"This morning…" he started to explain.

"This morning never happened, I passed my evaluation and training and I am back on active duty. I have no memory issues and I am suffering no ill effects from that episode I nearly had. So, I think we both can agree I am physically and mentally capable of doing my job and still follow orders." I replied.

"You heard what I said to Ed?" he asked surprised.

I had heard what they said even though they had been at least forty metres away from me and were whispering – another useful skill of reading lips came in handy.

"Yeah I heard, thanks for the support boss. Now, we ready to do this as there is wounded civilians in the building who will be dead while we play shrink and patient!" I hissed back.

I went back into position and at the signal we all targeted our areas and proceeded with the entry after the diversion Sam and Spike had created with explosive flash bangs and sonic grenades. I bee-lined for the civilians and slammed one of the hostage takers onto the ground with a lot of venom, even the boss flinched as he saw the impact. I flipped him over and slammed the cuffs around his wrists and got him to his feet for the uniformed officers to remove. I slid over to the wounded man and switched into medic mode as I evaluated his condition and began treating him and started fluids.

Twenty minutes later after doing a few minor miracles and restarting his heart a couple of times; we got him moved onto the stretcher and the EMT's got him moved to the ambulance and off to hospital. I ripped off my gloves and put them into the holder around my bag and headed back over to the boss and the rest of them who were waiting taking statements with Team 3.

"Alright guys, great work and seemless entry as usual – back to the barn to wash up, debrief and then home time. Fraser, a quick word please!" Ed shouted over the noise of the traffic.

He pulled me to the side and away from the eyes of everyone else; he then shoved me into the command truck and slammed the door shut.

"We are going to have a serious problem with your attitude if you keep this up! We clocked that manoeuvre you used on the suspect; you could have broken his neck!"

"I didn't though and he can eat his next prison meal without using a straw! You burned me this morning, if you don't have trust in how I operate and how well I work within this team – then you need to come clean now!"

"I trust you or you would not have a place on this team! Your evaluation threw up a lot of questions for Greg and me this morning and we have to keep in mind that you have triggers and could go off at any time. We don't hold that against you, no one on this team is perfect – but we are done with the surprises that are coming out at the worst times – you need to come clean!"

"I don't have secrets! I told my whole story warts and all to the recruitment board and they found me worthy of a chance on the team, I don't keep secrets like some others as they have a bad habit of coming back to bite me on the arse at later dates – if I had known about you guys knowing Toth, then I would have said something – but I sure as hell did not expect to see him standing in that room!" I hissed back.

"The last time we had dealings with Toth he nearly cost everyone their jobs, everyone had stress and PTS moments after the high callout rate and death of our friends. So trust me when I say we have no love lost for the man as he caused problems for us!" he hissed back shoving me against the cabinet.

I shoved back and threw him against the partition blocking the driver's area, I unclipped my weapon and placed it on the table and ripped out my radio before heading out the truck. I passed by Greg and gripped his arm; he spun around and looked at me as I pulled him to the side.

"I'm done, you'll have my resignation tomorrow!" I hissed before walking away.

"Mackenzie, stop!" he shouted.

I kept on walking along the back pathway and I could hear Jules shout on me and start to chase me; I kept on walking and ignored their calls until I turned the corner and walked into Sam.

"Where are you going?" he demanded.

"Away from here, I would advise you to move if you still want the ability to walk later!" I hissed at him.

He side stepped and looked at Jules who was running along the road towards us signalling him to physically stop me from going away.

"Mackenzie – wait!" he shouted.

I flung him the finger and kept walking down the road and around the corner. I had dumped all my medical gear and main weapon in the truck and only had my sidearm with me, I clicked the safety on and kept on walking – I was about seven miles away from my apartment across town and I didn't have money on me so I kept to the main streets and walked towards central station.

Back at the truck Ed had managed to get out and had loaded my gear away safely and headed over to Parker who was seriously pissed off; he was dealing with questions from the rest of the team who were present for me dragging him around the truck and he had still to speak to Spike who was dealing with resetting the alarms for the police.

"She is out of control boss, did you see that grab hold she used on the suspect – she could have broken his neck!" Ed whispered to Parker.

"Yeah I saw it – and you didn't help with that wonderful little conversation in the truck, she is emotionally vulnerable, you know better than to dig deep after a PTS episode!" he growled back.

"She needed someone to centre her – she is running on adrenaline again and would have been in-front of a SIU inquiry if that guy had been injured. Where did she go anyway?" he says looking around the area.

Parker looked up at him and Jules replied to the question.

"She just resigned genius, way to go for pushing her too hard!"

Ed just looked at them both dumfounded and realised he had just done what his psych had told him never to do – get into an emotional confrontation with someone who is dealing with deep triggers. He groaned then crouched down to the tarmac and rubbed his face.

"I'm an idiot boss – let me go after her and I'll bring her back to the barn," he whispered off comms.

"No, she will reappear when she is ready, she needs to burn off the excess stress – even Spike is aware to leave her alone. She has been clear for nearly six months and one visit from Toth and she is a wreck again – think it's time we contact her old unit and find out why Toth was her shrink since he was connected to her team. "Parker said to them both.

"I'll get Sam to do it boss, he knows who to contact in Bastion and in the UK, maybe they can shed some light on the whole issue," Jules replied.

Parker nodded and headed back to the truck and signalled to everyone to get ready to leave in five minutes.


	15. Chapter 15

I was nearly blind furious with Ed – who did he think he was digging into me after the events this morning? I came clean about everything at my interviews, had nothing to hide from anyone and gave them access to every scrap of medical records I had from civilian life and military. Toth was a wildcard I didn't factor into my life over here – he was the one person who I knew could destroy me with a sentence, a memory recall that would have me removed from the team immediately and placed in a secure unit. I kept on walking at a brisk pace; I needed to get the anger out of my system and had declined offers of lifts form the patrols in the areas I was walking in. I turned the corner and came across Dundas Square – I must have been walking a lot faster that I realised as it was over four miles from my primary location to where I was now! I tried to think back on how I got here so fast?

A flash of light and I was in the middle of the desert doing an exercise with my old team, laughing at the end as our CO tripped up over a plastic cone.

I shook my head; I looked about and spun around as I heard a police siren in the background.

Another flash of fire and I fell to my knees as I felt the impact of the air concussion blasting me out the window and onto the razor wire below me. I bit back a scream by crawling into a ball on my knees and biting my vest.

I felt hands on my shoulders, very gently adding pressure for support; I looked up and found a priest kneeling beside me with concern.

"Do you require support Constable, I can call 911?" he whispered.

I shook my head and tried getting up from really shaky legs, I stumbled and he took my arm and supported me and kept me upright. He turned to face me directly and nodded.

"I believe I know what you need, come with me and we can have a chat back in the cathedrals kitchen – I dare say you could use a cup of tea!"

I looked up at him and noticed he looked about 50 and resembled our old priest back home; I nodded and he helped me along the block towards a beautiful cathedral and the entrance to the residence in the back garden. I stopped suddenly and turned to him before continuing into the halls.

"Father, I am armed and I cannot leave my weapon unattended," I whispered.

"It's alright my dear – I am ex-military and have a firearm upstairs myself – the almighty recognises soldiers have orders to carry weapons and as long as it's on safety – I have no issues!" he replied.

I nodded and continued into the small corridor which opened up into a large kitchen with a living room off to one side. He put me on the couch and handed me a blanket and proceeded to make a huge pot of tea as I sat on the couch trying to control my shaking body and calm my breathing. A few moments later he came back over and handed me a mug of tea and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, I was so tired now and just felt like crying.

"So my dear, I am Father Stephen and you are a member of the SRU – but a young recruit at that! Tell me my dear, what is troubling you?" he inquired gently.

I took a sip of the hot tea and sighed as the heat entered my body and started to thaw me out; I looked up at him and nodded.

"My name is Mackenzie Fraser, I am a member – was a member I think of the SRU. It's been a rough day and through events I lost focus and – I lost my way!" I replied.

He looked at me for a moment and then leaned forward slightly.

"My guess is that you are military yourself and your past is being dragged up? Do not worry, I was military for thirty years and I can read the signs of PTS and fatigue as well as the best psychologists in the field." He said as I started slightly at his guess work.

"How did you figure that out so quickly? I don't remember calling out or – well anything to be honest!" I said rubbing my throbbing head.

"Classic signs of an emotional based flashback episode, and no you didn't call out, but your whole body language was that controlled that I had to step in and pull you out of it. You should drink your tea, you were out of the present for a few minutes and its cold outside today." He replied filling up my tea cup.

I took another few sips and as I tried to put my cup on the table, my hand shook so badly that I ended up scalding my hand. Running across to the sink, I doused my hand under the water and let the frustrated tears fall down my face. I sunk onto my knees and pulled myself into a corner and hid my face against my knees. I was so embarrassed and stressed and so tired from not being able to sleep properly again; worst of all I was displaying an emotional wreck to a priest who I didn't even know!

"Let's get you into one of the spare rooms upstairs, you can sleep for a while in peace and quiet without the added stress of work. When you feel better and have rested, meet me in the chapel and we can talk if you would like?" he whispered.

I nodded knowing he was right, I had to sleep – it was a rule after this kind of attack; you had to get everything out or you would suffer worse later on. I got up and he guided me upstairs into the spare bedroom and handed me the keys to a locked drawer so I could stow my weapon away under the bed. I pulled off my vest and outwear and crawled into the bed in my shorts and t-shirt falling asleep immediately.

Back at the barn the team was doing debrief and Parker had just explained what had transpired between Ed and myself in the space of ten minutes. Ed apologised and admitted he didn't catch the trigger as he was too pissed off at himself and me to notice. They explained the issues brought up from Toth' visit and evaluation and that he had triggered me with his interrogation.

"She has been clean for over six months Ed, no issues and she has passed every test that had been thrown at her – then after Toth comes in to do the evaluation – you keep her forced in place and she has to relieve hell by a relative of a dead team mate she saw kill himself?" Spike says holding back anger.

"Pretty much, and I am so sorry!" he replied.

Spike exploded at him and Parker with true Italian temper and anger.

"After all we have been through, after the PTS you suffered and are treated for – you give zero support to an emotional vulnerable woman who looks up to you as a father figure! What the hell where you thinking Ed? Why would you do that to one of your own?" he demanded.

"Spike this won't help her, we need to find her and get her stabilized if she has had another episode. Sam, Jules – head to her apartment. Wordy, Spike – patrol the streets along the main bus routes – she doesn't know the area that well so I am guessing she walked home. Ed, you're coming with me to speak to her doctor – we need to find out what to expect and if she has mentioned any issues to him and not us!"

Jules had stopped Spike from pacing the room and got him settled against the window frame – he was livid and she could tell he was heartbroken and really worried about what had happened. She settled him and told him that she would pick up any leads and call him immediately if I was there. He nodded and barged past Ed as he and Wordy headed to the trucks to start their patrol.


	16. Chapter 16

A few hours later I had woke up and definitely felt a bit better than earlier, I grabbed my gear and after a quick wash, got changed again and headed downstairs to find the kitchen empty. I followed the smell of candle wax and found myself in the Sacristy. I crossed myself at the water font and headed inside the chapel, bowing towards the altar as I passed. I sat in one of the empty pews and bowed my head, thinking of a thankful prayer for Father Stephens help this afternoon. I blessed myself again and found him standing beside the pew looking at me.

"A true Scot of the old faith then – delighted to see if Mackenzie. How do you feel, better?" he inquired.

"A little better Father, thank you for everything earlier – it is very much appreciated and I am thankful for it!" I replied.

I moved over so he could join me on the pew and he handed me a set of rosary beads made from rosewood, they smelled wonderful and obviously had been well used. I smiled in thanks and pressed them against my chest as he started the prayers.

Twenty minutes later we had just finished the last prayer and I wiped away my tears as I truly listened to the music coming from the chapels system. I realised that I was centred again, and just by being here had helped me focus and control my thoughts again.

"Dette stedet er vakker," I stated in what I guessed was his own language.

"Ja, et sted for fred for de som trenger det. Jeg var ikke klar over de lærte norsk i Skottland?" he replied surprised.

"I have Norse ancestors, I like the language and that's as much as I knew!" I said grinning.

He laughed gently and nodded in reply, he patted my hand and beckoned me to help him resupply the candles on the font and talk for a while about what caused the issues this morning. So, as we worked – I told him everything about me and what I had been like as a child, as a student and then in the military. I told him about that awful day and the trauma I suffered in the line of duty and how I ended up in Toronto as part of the SRU.

"So, after your team leader confronted you in the truck, you lost control and quit the SRU? Did you mean too?" he inquired.

"No! I love my job and I love the people I work with and why we do the job. The stress of everything, the emotional baggage of that day getting dragged back up by that man – it tipped me over into acting out of control. I walked out on my team – how am I to face them and continue on when I don't think they trust me to control myself?" I whispered back.

He put away the box of candles as we entered the storeroom and he took my hands and looked me right in the eyes. He looked past all the crap that must be clear to him as daylight on my face and in my eyes – he nodded and sighed.

"You need support from everyone, and from what I hear about this team you work with – they all have their demons to fight and sometimes they don't have the strength to help themselves at some points. My best bit of advice would be to go home, talk to the man in your life and then decide what you want to do. Your friends will support you no matter what you decide – they love you and if one hurts – they all hurt and want to fix it. Let this boyfriend of yours hold you, let him see your fears in full and let him decide on his future – my guess is that I will be seeing you both at mass on Sunday?"

I laughed at his comment and nodded; I had fallen in love with the beautiful cathedral and felt immediately at home with the atmosphere and tranquil surroundings. I was blessed by Father Stephen and after wishing him well; I headed out the main doors and followed the directions to get back to Spike's house. I got there an hour or so later after running through the heavy snow storm that hit the city and found no-one home yet – it was after 9pm and he should be home – unless he was looking for me. I clicked my watch dial and activated my GPS and went for a seat in the back yard to watch the snow fall.

"Spike, Winnie just picked up Mac's GPS – she's at your house!" said Wordy as he got off the phone to the barn.

Spike spun the truck around and headed in the opposite direction down the highway; he flipped on the lights and sped past everyone else who scrambled out of the way on the road. Ten minutes later he parked up and they both ran around the sides of the house and found me asleep on the swing seat on the back porch. Spike chucked Wordy the house keys and picked me up, he climbed the stairs and got into the house via the back door and lay me down on the couch and wrapped the heavy blankets I had clutched around me. Wordy removed my firearm and locked it away in the storage unit as Spike got my boots off and checked my vitals as he didn't know how long I had been out there for as the snow was lashing it down. Wordy called Parker and Ed and let them know I was in the house and safe, just cold and getting warmed up.

"We'll come around in a few hours buddy, we have a visitor at the barn who wants to speak to us about Mackenzie – seems he found her this morning and she was staying at the cathedral to rest for a few hours after she split."

"Alright boss, let me know how it goes and say thanks to the visitor for me – he may have saved her life!" he whispered down the phone.

Wordy shut off the phone and then handed more blankets to Spike who was warming my hands up, I was still out of it, shattered and emotionally exhausted from earlier today and the realisation that I had quit on my team. Wordy then checked my Obs again, they were still low and he wasn't happy about them – it didn't help that I had a temperature of 93 degrees and had started to shiver badly. I had walked from the cathedral to the house, it was only an hour away, no more than five miles away, but I was exhausted, wet and had just cuddled on the swing seat after activating my GPS.

"She's burning up Spike, we need to get her to the hospital and checked out – possible start of hypothermia and shock – her body can't tolerate the cold when she's this tired," whispered Wordy as he showed him the results.

I had started to stir awake at hearing them speak and shook my head as I saw him reach for his phone to call an ambulance. He put his phone down and knelt beside me, he showed me the monitor and I shivered despite the blankets.

"You need to be checked out – you're not thinking clearly Mac!" Spike whispered.

"No hospital – warm shower and warm fluids – put IV solution in microwave for one minute on low then hook it up at three, I'll be fine later!" I replied through chattering teeth.

"You need more than warm fluids and showers – your pulse and BP are really low, you had a full episode today thanks to that asshole Toth and then what happened this afternoon with Ed – I'm not judging you Mac, but you seriously need to let us help you and then you can bitch all you want!" Wordy replied picking up his phone again.

I tried pulling the blankets around me tighter and Spike wrapped them around me and rubbed my hands to get the circulation going better – my hands were bright red but frozen solid with cramps and stress. Wordy put the phone down and went to open the door and let Jules and Sam come in who immediately came over to where I was and rechecked all my Obs.

"She has second stage hypothermia, her body can't create any heat and the blankets won't help her, keep her awake if she starts to fall asleep, I'm going to have to start an IV." He whispered as he got off the floor.

He rummaged through my bag and found a couple of IV's, he shoved them into the microwave and got Spike to start up an Cannula in my hand, Jules was on the phone to the boss and had my other hand in hers warming it up.

"Boss, were at Spike's and she isn't doing good; we have an ambulance on the way – yeah she's exhausted and she is second stage hypothermic – she must have walked home all the way and got soaked. Yeah, I'll call from the hospital and let you know! Boss – get that son of bitch and nail his balls to the wall alright!" she hissed down the phone.

Sam came back with the IV's and hooked them up to the cannula Spike had managed to start in my semi thawed hand; he set the flow for three minutes and flushed the cannula out with saline and mild painkillers. I was shivering uncontrollably and knew that I was getting deeper into hypothermia; I tried flexing my toes and fingers and winced as they refused to move more than a few millimetres. I was feeling really dizzy and everything was in double vision, I grabbed Sam's wrist and pointed to the monitor again. He reset it and checks my vitals again:

"Temp is 92.7, BP is 79/65 and your pulse is 27 – I know, your borderline and the ambulance is on the way. Are you feeling dizzy, disorientated?"

I nodded and violently threw up in the bucket that had my wet gear in it after Spike got me out of them; I crawled into a ball and tried to concentrate on what Jules was telling me – to keep my breathing even and to stay awake.

"Ambulance is here – I'll get them!" shouted Wordy as he left the house.

Seconds later the door opened again and two paramedics came in and looked over the work done by the team already, he took my Obs and the notes made by Sam on what they had monitored and given me by IV. They wrapped more thermal blankets around me and separate ones around my hands and feet and got me onto the stretcher, Spike grabbed his coat again and followed them into the ambulance with the rest of them telling him they would meet him there in an hour or so.

"Hey there – you need to keep awake okay!" he whispered to me as he shook me out my light doze.

"I'm sorry I let you all down," I replied through chattering teeth again.

He shook his head and brushed my hair off my face, he leaned down and kissed me as the paramedics check my Obs again and then hit the siren and lights – shit – I was worse than I thought!

"Hey, ignore them – look at me! You have got to stop apologising for things outside your control – you – hey! Stay with me here Mackenzie that's an order!" he said shaking me awake again.

I struggled to open my eyes, they felt too heavy and I was fighting with everything I had left as I knew the damage hypothermia could cause on a vulnerable body. I felt him brush away my tears from my cheeks and he kissed me again, his hand gripping mine through the covers and squeezing to show he wasn't going anywhere.

"Don't you dare go anywhere without me Mac – or I swear I will find a way to bring you back and then kill you myself!" he hissed.

I grinned then as we went over a speed bump, I winced and the next thing I know is I am out cold and I can hear Spike shouting at me.


	17. Chapter 17

I woke up feeling very stiff and overly hot – my body felt like I had been hit by a truck and then reversed over several times – not the most pleasant of feelings to wake up with! I found the several layers of blankets and tried to push a few of them off me, I could barely move my arms as they were black and blue in areas due to massive bruises. I don't remember getting them; even the situation at the bank wouldn't have caused this amount of damage? I looked at the monitor and saw my vitals had improved a good bit and my temperature was back up, I reached over for the small tumbler of water and shakily managed to pour a small amount into a plastic glass and had a quick drink despite the two IV lines and four bags of warm IVs attached to the hanger unit above me. I flexed my toes and was grateful when I could feel them all moving easily, I moved onto my fingers that were sore, but fully flexible as well. The door opened and in walked a nurse and I knew that I was in the Intensive Care unit by her scrubs.

"Hey, welcome back to the world of the living Constable Fraser! My name is Clare, how do you feel right now?" she asked gently.

"Sore, tired – thirsty and hot!" I croaked since my throat was so raw.

"I'm not surprised, you had a severe case of hypothermia, we nearly lost you twice trying to get you warm, but you are a fighter. I need to do your Obs and then I'll get the doctors in to check and see if you are allowed liquids and food – your body will be craving energy soon and it's going to take some getting used to food again after this."

I looked at her, I thought I had only been out a couple of hours – had it been longer than a day? She must have sense the confusion on my face and she stepped forward and took my hand.

"Don't worry, it's only been two days since you were admitted – the confusion will settle down in a couple of days, but we need to take this a step at a time. The best news is that you have everything still attached, there was no physical damaged caused – your team knew what to do thanks to your training – but your blood work has shown that your hormones and chemistry are all over the shop – we think that's not helped the PTS episode your recovering from. We had to start you back on your medication though as you had a secondary relapse from a nightmare when your temperature started to rise, you haven't had one since and we think it was a small relapse down to the medication kicking in. Apart from that, you have a catheter that I can remove once it's been okayed by the doctor and then let's see about getting you some food?" she replied squeezing my hand gently.

I sighed and nodded, very relieved about the good news and dried my tears off my cheek with the hankie she handed me. I hated that I had to be forced back on my medication for a period of time – but I understood the need to control the symptoms of the syndrome and recovery could take a while since it was my first in several months. Clare headed out and I watched her as she went to the nurse's desk and spoke to one of the doctors who nodded and followed her back into the room, he smiled at me and noted my Obs that Clare had done.

"Hey Mackenzie – Clare has given me a quick update about what she has let you know and that your still pretty sore etc. I think we can get some of the blankets off now but continue with the IV fluids until tomorrow, we need to do another round of blood tests as well and you are due to go for a MRI tomorrow as your arms are bruised and we can't figure out why as there is no broken bones – did you fall down from a height or crash into something?"

"Smacked wall in temper tantrum – wall won!" I replied remembering the ally way behind the bank.

He nodded and wrote a couple of things on the chart and confirmed it was just pain meds, IV's and another round of tests to get done. He chatted for a couple of minutes to update me on events that happened when I was out cold and what they had to do – they made me aware that Parker and the team were now my legal guardians and Clare would let them know I was awake. I nodded and sighed, they must be frantic for some good news – seems all I bring is trouble – think Ed was right about me – maybe it would be best if I left?

"Hey Mackenzie – are you alright? You zoned out on me there and were unresponsive!" the doc said as he checked my eyes and reflexes.

"Yeah, sorry – I was thinking about what my team must think of me causing problems – seems I am out of a job and several friends now!" I whispered.

"I doubt that very much! Your whole team calls nearly on an hourly basis for updates, comes to visit every session and your team mate Constable Lane and Scarlatti have sat with you every night since you arrived. People who hate you do not have that level of respect or compassion, you are very much loved by these people and its obvious you love them all too. Right now I need you to rest easy once we get your catheter out, get you washed up and start with some simple soup for dinner – Clare can call your team in an hour or so and if they arrive – they can spend time with you alright!" he replied.

I nodded and thanked him as he left; Clare got the blankets off me and after a couple of seconds, removed the catheter and disposed of it. She came back and I nodded as she helped me sit up – I was still shaky and felt really weak, she offered the commode, but I wanted to use a real toilet and took a few steps to the bathroom with help. Twenty minutes later after a hot shower, brushed teeth and hair, I was making my way back to the bed in clean jammies and a robe; I had managed to get the thick socks on too so my feet were kept nice and warm and I connected my IV up again leaned back against the pillows. The door opened and I smelled some vegetable soup in the bowl, she lay the tray down over the lap table and rolled it up to my waist, she handed me my meds and a big glass of water. I took them dutifully and after a quick smile she left me alone to eat and set my mobile to charge that had been left by the team so I could contact them if needed.

The next time I woke up was to find Ed sitting in the seat beside me, he clocked I was awake and leaned forward, I signalled for a drink – he passed the glass and straw over to me and I emptied the glass to ease my dry throat. He put the glass back on the table and took my hands as I burst out in tears at his expression of guilt and pain as he saw what he had done to me in the alley way. I shook my head as he tried to apologise and I hugged him hard as I cried it all out – all the fear, pain and humiliation I must have caused everyone.

"You are not leaving this team Mackenzie – not in a million years are we losing the best addition we have had to our unit since Sam arrived. You may be broken – but who isn't. You don't get to quit on us, as we will not quit on you ever!" he whispered.

"Why – I am not worth the trouble – you were right about me Ed!" I said back.

He looked at me and shook his head, he was determined and 100% dedicated to getting the next sentence out and making sure it stuck in my head permanently.

"You are worth ten times more than all the trouble you could give me! You have PTS caused by a horrific situation, I have PTS because I shot a girl in front of her parents and then who forgave me. I had no right to go after you like I did – I was stunned by the news from Toth, concerned and terrified even in case something like this could happen. Spike has told us about your nightmares, how he sometimes has to restrain you if you have a bad moment as you relive everything that happened at that particular moment. I am the one who pushed you far too far, thinking I was centring you – not realising you were having an emotional episode and not a memory based one. You are 26 years old, who lost her family and didn't get to say goodbye – had alcohol and substance abuse then went clean and joined the military. You then recover from a horrific tragedy and then join the SRU after passing and impressing us all with your trials and results. YOU are the superhero of our team, you are our heart along with Jules. You have just had a really rough time for your first year and the very least I can do now is learn more and help you – maybe it will help me too – we fight together – the team wants you back – but you have to be fit to do so and we need you Mac, Spike needs you!" he replied sitting on the bed.

"I thought you wouldn't want me back – I am so sorry, i….." I started.

He held his hand up and I sniffed and dried my eyes again with the back of my hand, he handed me another hankie and sighed gently.

"I think we can both agree that what was done and said was in the past – from now, we walk forward with our heads up high and we work and support as a team. Can we agree to do it day by day, challenge by challenge? If we make mistakes, we learn from them and adapt – isn't that what we all do in life?"

I laughed and nodded – he had just quoted something from a Scottish TV show and I knew he had been watching the films I had on my passport in the office. His phone beeped with a message and he showed me it, it was from Sophie and his family – they were wishing me well and had sent a shaky balloon and get well soon card that was on the nightstand. Another beep and several more in succession, he smiled and put his phone away.

"Think you're up for some visitors? They want to come round after lunch – we're doing a training day and will have a spare couple of hours," he asked.

"Yeah, should be good!" I replied yawning.

"Alright, it's really early and you need as much sleep as possible – its only 6am. I'll pass on the message that you're doing better and we can come back after lunch – can we bring you anything back?" he inquired.

"Some clean clothes and Irn Bru if possible – comfort food!" I said grinning.

He looked at me and laughed, his son got hyper on the stuff the last time we had a BBQ at his house – too many E numbers for him to handle. He waved off and headed out the room as Clare came back in with another round of meds and after I took them I fell asleep again with the blankets getting pulled up around me.


	18. Chapter 18

I woke up to the feeling of being kissed on the lips, I opened my eyes and saw Spike sitting beside me on the bed grinning; he was still in his uniform and I remembered he was on his lunch break from the training day. I grinned back and hugged him hard as possible as the tears started again; he just held me as he snuggled up beside me on the bed and rocked me gently to get everything out. He held me against his chest as I calmed down a few moments later and stroked my hair out my face again – I really needed to get my fringe cut!

"Ed told me what he did back at the barn, I went crazy at him, nearly resigned myself but thankfully everyone was not listening to me. He's apologised and told me he had spoken to you this morning and cleared the air. He knows he caused you pain, and he is really sorry about it – it's going to take some time to get full trust back again isn't it?" he inquired looking at me.

"Yeah, but I fully understand why he did it – he didn't realise that my PTS is driven by guilt from being the only survivor – he didn't realise its connection with the mornings events and how my behaviour changed rapidly – I locked everything and everyone out – that's when you know I am in a bad place and need to go on my meds again." I replied honestly.

I snuggled closer, still feeling stiff from all the shivering I had done over the couple of days I was recovering; Spike pulled the blanket over me and rubbed my shoulder to get the heat going.

"What training are you doing today?" I inquired.

"Mental health awareness – Parker's orders and it's been run by a few of your friends who have come across to see you before they go home. They are due in later tonight, Commander Henricks and Doctor Drayman from your old camp?" he said remembering the guy's names.

I lay there in complete shock – the old doctor and my former CO were in Canada? I looked up at Spike and he clocked the question I wanted to ask.

"Sam called them to find out about your treatment programme in Afghanistan – it was one of the only ways we could figure out what your triggers could have been this morning and what previously has worked. Your shrink gave us clearance to be your guardians and those two flew over and arrived yesterday evening from Alaska. They are desperate to see you again – they've been pretty worried and kept close eyes on your progress these last couple of days."

I nodded and held my stomach as it growled for food – my appetite had come back with a force since I hadn't eaten in about four days and the lack of energy meant I was burning fat at a higher rate – always good to shift the extra few pounds I had in lumpy areas, but bad for muscle tone as I was as weak as damp feather! Spike laughed as it grumbled again and handed me a bag that had sandwiches, juice and some fruit in it – I looked up at him and grinned. He had gone to the deli I found a few blocks from the house and had ordered my favourite chicken tikka salad roll and melon and pineapple fruit cocktail.

"Alright baby, I need to get back to the office but I will be back later tonight with some fresh clothes. The CO has placed you on extended medical leave for two months, this is non-negotiable as you have to work these issues out and that may mean you may need to return home to deal with things for a few days to get to the cause of some issues – but we can talk about it later – right now you focus on getting stronger so I can finally get my way with you when your stronger!" he whispered kissing me.

I went beetroot – we had both discussed this and even though we were both catholic, we wanted to be together and agreed to share a bed from that night of the incident. We had everything planned out, a nice meal and couple of drinks, a film on the couch and then take it from there – typical bad luck for us both! He headed out back to the barn and I got up to get freshened up again and go for a quick wander to try and stretch my legs, I was in a private room and thankfully had some peace and quiet, but it could get boring as I didn't have any books or magazines to read. I was directed to where the common area was for patients and as I entered I saw a familiar face talking to some other patients who were receiving communion. I smiled at them and left them in private as I went to the bookshelf and pulled out a novel to take back to the room to keep me busy.

"You should be sleeping the ache off and not reading Mackenzie – best way to let you recover!" a voice whispered behind me.

"Hello Father, and yes I am aware I should be, but I've slept for the last two days – need to keep my brain active or it might go on holiday! How are you?" I replied smiling and leading him to the seats.

"Oh I'm good – busy couple of days with the cathedral and the start of Advent approaching – we could use a help and your more than welcome to come and join the congregation." He replied.

"I would love too, what is the name of the cathedral, I forgot to ask?" I inquired.

He grinned and scratched his head – he looked slightly embarrassed.

"The cathedral is the oldest in the city; it's called St Jude the Apostle,"

I looked at him and then burst out laughing; it was a line straight out a trashy badly written comic with me as its leading lady. He flushed slightly and then started laughing as well as he saw I wasn't hurting anymore and was actually laughing as it was funny.

"The place I found myself in and found peace is named after the patron saint of lost causes! That is now a definite sign from the almighty that I am not doomed! I like it Father – seems I do have a purpose here after all!" I replied.

He grinned and laughed as I smiled after all the recent crap in the last few days eased out of my mind. We stayed in the common area for a while chatting until he had to head off to give communion to those who wanted it, I told him I would come and see him the day after I got out of the hospital and would bring Spike with me so they could meet. He told me he had spoken to Spike already when he contacted the barn with information on my whereabouts for Parker – so that's why they didn't come to the house with Sam and Jules. I nodded in thanks and followed him out the room and split off so I could head back to the room with my new book. Climbing back into bed, I sorted my pillows and started the book after munching my lunch – I was asleep twenty minutes later.

I smelt flowers, just a faint whiff of roses – I opened my eyes and a huge bunch of flowers was in a vase beside the bed; as was Parker who had just put down his coffee mug and paper as he saw me waking up.

"Boss, you should have woken me up when you arrived!" I said rubbing my eyes.

"You need your sleep Mac; you've been through the ringer and need every sheep counted that you can manage. How do you feel?" he said suddenly serious.

"Like I fell down the rabbit hole then went back for seconds. I hurt outside and in, I am confused, scared and strangely at peace. Ed explained to me this morning before he went to the barn, I don't blame him anymore – his PTS is different from mine – he just didn't know that he used the wrong method."

He looked at me and raised my head up with fingers under my chin, I didn't think I could cry anymore after getting everything out earlier, but the look Greg was giving me nearly broke me again.

"After everything in your life, you can still forgive and act compassionate to those who caused you the pain – it's truly amazing. But, it can lead to issues – can you forgive Toth?" he said simply.

I looked at him and then at my fingers as I sighed.

"I forgive him for being angry at losing a nephew and being angry at me, I forgive him for demanding answers that any guardian would ask – I even forgive him for nearly causing me to go postal two days ago."

"But?" he asked as he saw me clench my fingers.

"I cannot forgive him for interrogating me like that in the barn, it was out of order and if he uses that method on other patients – I will see that he loses his licence to practice. With what he said to me in that room, with the accusation of what he thinks I did – he was right boss." I replied.

Parker looked at me and it clicked that I was talking about the incident that took out my team. He leaned forward and took my hand that was shaking and passed me my pills that the nurse had dropped off for me as I was asleep.

"Are you talking about his nephew killing himself?" he whispered.

I nodded and took a deep breath around the tears in my voice, trying to steady my breathing and relax my muscles again.

"When he had been shot, he knew immediately that he was paralysed, I had stopped the bleeding but after a simple test, he couldn't feel anything from the waist down – my guess was the spinal cord was damaged or possibly severed. We could hear the shouts of our CO telling us to get out when they found the boxes of armed C4 in the basement – I couldn't move him as it would kill him instantly. My weapon was on the ground beside me after I had killed the attacker who shot him, he picked it up and told me that 'he always would love me, and to tell his uncle that he died fighting for his family's safety'. The C4 blew and he pulled the trigger, the last thing I saw was him putting a bullet in his temple and then being engulfed in flames. My curse in life is that I am a compassionate person, but with an alter ego of being combat trained by the best the army has and the on/off switch that works too well. I can feel empathy and compassion for friends and enemies or follow Scorpio orders without hesitation. Two sides of my personality that are conflicting and it's all because of that one moment." I replied.

Parker leaned back and nodded, he had seen signs of this before in others he had worked with in the field and in the years as a police officer – it was literally an internal war of balance – very common in some fields of work.

"Did you love him? The emotional connection is with him or that moment, so the simplest question is did you love him?"

I drew my knees up and thought about it, remembering all the good and fun times we had with the squad on training and during deployment. I remember the suggestions and comments from the squad that he always made time to go see me in the medical hut or sit beside me at meal times we shared.

"Greg, you know my history – I didn't have time for boyfriends and I never slept around – but I had strong feelings of friendship and loyalty to the man – but I didn't love him. The only man I can say I have loved unconditionally is Spike, right after that is all of you guys as you are my family now." I replied.

"Alright – second question is a little personal. Did you ever have sexual relations with him – and yes I mean that as it sounds!" he asked apologetically.

I stared at him and huffed again, it was a standard history question and he had to ask it, but bearing all to the boss is not fun!

"No, I have never had sexual relations with him, or anyone!" I replied.

He dropped his pen – he actually dropped his pen as he heard that!

"You mean….never? You and Spike still haven't…wow!" he whispered.

"Yeah – Catholics…burn in hell etc. We had decided to go for it, but it was for the night of the bank robbery – guess that was a bad night!" I replied going beetroot!

We talked for another half an hour and after the nurse coming back to do my Obs and refresh my IV lines, the door opened and the others walked in and proceeded to give me massive hugs. I sat up on the bed and answered all the questions they threw in my direction; I agreed to whatever they were requesting when it came to going to the shrink and taking my meds, getting checked out and taking a minimum two month break to recover fully.

"We checked your records Mac – you moved directly from Bastion back to Scotland; packed your bags then directly here. You haven't taken any holiday time off and worked flat out with lots of overtime with the TDR and outside events. You can't keep burning the candle at both ends – you were going to crash at some point!" Wordy replied as they explained.

"I know, I just didn't want to disappoint anyone, you all work together so well and have known each other for a good few years – I am the newbie to the squad with a disturbing past – I felt like I had to prove myself to show I was worthy to be considered for the team. I think I was so terrified of failing you, it made me think so much of my old squad – that then made me work too hard and made me crash." I replied embarrassed.

"You don't have to impress us – you did that by being the only Scot with enough training to pass the board exams and fitness tests. You aced the firearm and weapons simulation and know your first aid inside out. I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that we don't need you to be perfect, we need you to be healthy enough to do the job – so that involves taking holidays, limiting your hours to ensure you get some personal time – you and Spike deserve time alone with no interruptions. So, on that note we have given him a month's leave so you both can go on holiday and recuperate in January." Jules said along with Ed.

Both of us looked at them and then at each other – we had been given a whole month off – that was enough time for us both to get across to Italy and see Mrs Scarlatti for a couple of weeks!

"First you need to go back to Scotland, you need to put that issue to bed – you need to say goodbye properly, ease that burden up!" a voice came.

It was Commander Henricks; he had just arrived at the hospital and hadn't changed apart from the tan from being abroad for two years! I smiled and he came over to give a huge hug and bag of letters from everyone at the camp.

"It needed to get this bad for you to get me over here huh! I wish you had told me sooner Mac – I would have been over a lot quicker!" he said quietly.

"I'm sorry Sir, I thought it was controlled until I saw Toth – that asshole just screwed me up again badly!" I replied.

"It's being dealt with by the GMC and MOD back home – you may need to appear at an inquiry in London, but you won't have any other issues from him." He replied.

For the next couple of hours we ended up talking about history and what everyone was up to back home and if the others were on deployment in sunny climes? Thankfully most of the guys I knew were back home and not due to go back out for another few months – I would have a chance to see them if we decided to go to Scotland before Italy. It came to quite late in the evening and I was fast asleep on the bed as the rest of them were talking, Henricks handed Spike an official letter and nodded for him to open it, even though it was addressed to me.

"Are you serious? She arranged this for my Christmas?" he gasped.

"Very serious – she thought you would love it, and since it's going to be in Scotland – you can see the fast track tour from above."

I had arranged with an RAF buddy of mine to give Spike a few hours in a GR4 from Lossiemouth – he was a speed demon and would get a kick out of the techno-lingo used by the pilots. Spike was staring at me then back at the CO – he then had a huge cheesy smile across his face.

"On that note – let's leave these two alone to get some rest – sleeping beauty is out cold and I'm due on base at 0500," he whispered as he pointed to me on the bed.

Everyone nodded and headed out leaving Spike with me Parker, he watched on as Spike sat looking at me, still holding his letter.

"Michelangelo Scarlatti – you are going to have your hands full, but she is well worth the trouble. Keep her close and for heaven's sake keep your mom from planning the wedding!" he said in Italian.

Spike looked up grinning and nodded.

"No worries boss, plan to get her healthy and back to work before the proposal – thank you though, for everything!" he replied.

"Anytime son, call if you need us!" he said grinning back as he closed the door.

Spike folded the letter up again and put it into his bag he had brought with him, he stripped off and slid into the large bed beside me and raised the side-rails so he wouldn't fall out.

"Did you like your present?" I murmured as I snuggled into him.

"It's amazing, but my biggest gift is getting you back healthy – you scared the crap outta me Mac – again!"

"I did warn you I had a short fuse, and then Toth – be thankful I wasn't armed at the time! I am sorry, but I found somewhere which helped me – we can go if you want when I'm released?" I replied taking his hand.

He looks at me and raises an eyebrow at the hidden secret.

"When I ran I found myself in an alleyway – that's when I really lost the plot and had a further relapse and full blown episode. I was found by a priest of all people; he took me to the cathedral, talked to me and then let me rest before I headed to the house. He helped by just letting be there – you know the old psalm – peace in my house will be everlasting in your own – well, I found peace in my head, so I gained control and focus again and contacted you guys. Cheesy huh?" I replied.

He pulled me closer and shook his head, he brought out his rosary beads – they were rosewood and I instantly remembered the smell from the ones Father Stephen handed me.

"I met with Father Stephen yesterday at St. Jude's Cathedral; he explained what happened and how he found you. We're invited to mass on Sunday if you're up to it?" he said smiling and handing me the beads.

I nodded and leaned up to kiss him before snuggling down again and falling fast asleep holding the beads between our hands.


	19. Chapter 19

**A month later **

I was standing outside the changing room on base and watching the clock on the wall as I waited on the man coming out from the room behind me. I nodded to the few servicemen who passed me and saluted as they recognised the insignia on my full uniform I had to wear. Spike had got a really nice surprise this morning at breakfast as I came downstairs wearing it – he had known I would have to wear it while back on base as it was protocol – but he had never seen me wear my class uniform and he dropped his spoon as I entered the kitchen.

"Wow – damn woman!" he gulped as he choked on his cornflakes.

I laughed and then had to hammer on his back as he turned red and started coughing; I handed him a cloth then got him a glass of orange to settle with as I finished putting my hair up and then grabbed the keys to the car. He wiped his face, grabbed his gear and then followed me out the house and into the car that was loaned from the army stores for our trip here.

I hammered on the door again and sighed as I checked the clock again – he was going to be late and the pilots hated when it happened. The door opened and he walks out looking very hot in full pilot gear and holding his helmet that I had got him and tagged with 'Spike' and insignia on the covers.

"Ready?" I asked as I grinned at his face – he was nearly jumping up and down.

"You bet – sure you don't want to come with us?" he asked.

"Change of plans – you are doing the full flight duty today Scotland to Italy – I'll meet you in Aviano later this evening. I arranged with your mum to meet us after we get a lift organised and we'll be eating her lasagne by midnight!" I replied.

Again he stood there dumbstruck – I had surprised him and he loved it. He gave me a massive hug and kiss – a few wolf whistles and claps of applause came from the surrounding troops and I went red as I came back up for some fresh air. We headed to where the pilots went for their briefing and I stood back as Spike went full throttle with the whole experience – I constantly had a huge grin across my face as he delved into all the details with enthusiasm and took notes; this was so the right choice for him!

Twenty minutes later I was waving him off as he climbed into the REO seat on the GR4 and was strapped in by the tech guys; he put his helmet on and they secured his oxygen mask before giving him the extra supply of sick bags that was always handy for newbies. I saluted the crew and watched as they headed off down the runway and I could hear the scream of joy as they hit the pedal and screamed up the runway and into the air. I watched them fade into the clouds and turned round; I saluted to the men walking up behind me – show time.

"Corporal Fraser – are you ready to go?" he inquired.

"Yes Commander I am – has everything been organised with the C17 transport for our belongings to reach Aviano?" I inquired.

"Yes Ma'am they have. A Hawker will take the Commander and yourself to the hearing in London and then from Heathrow you will be transported by C17 to Aviano by 1800hrs." the aide replied efficiently.

I nodded and followed the small group to the Hawker that was within the smaller runway area and ready for take-off. I took another quick look about and headed up the stairs before one of the worst meetings in my life could begin – and possibly destroy a man's career and life.

I strapped myself back into the seat on the C17 as I clocked the light to say we were due to land in 10 minutes. I had just got changed into more comfortable clothes and freshened up from the day's activities in the courthouse. I closed my eyes and remembered everything that had happened, the questions asked, the feelings it brought up in me – the questions about my work now and how the PTS could invade my thoughts and risk other people. I told them everything about my therapy and how Toth manipulated my goals against me and dragged up all the worst emotions possible and used them against me. How I knew he blamed me for the death of his nephew, how he knew I was responsible for him making that kind of decision. He was charged with improper technique use and fined £10'000. He kept his licence and military career in perfect order and smiled at me as he left the courthouse. His lawyers were good – and also a major issue since they were known to be linked to a private security firm that his nephew was linked too on several occasions.

"Landing in T minus two minutes – prepare for a bumping welcome to Aviano!" a voice came over my headset.

"Copy that Pilot – all strapped and secure in the rear!" I replied checking the only other individual in the cargo hold.

After a very bumpy ride and sudden landing, I headed down the loading ramp with our gear and put on my sunglasses as the fierce Italian sun hit my eyes and nearly blinded me after seven hours in near darkness. I followed the Staff Sergeant and handed over my ID and passport to get signed in by customs, I spotted the requested cars in the hanger bay and grinned as I saw a GR4 come in a landing approach over the hills. My ID's were returned and I grabbed my bags and headed over to the CO of the base and saluted him as he recognised me. He saluted back and gave me a massive hug – very unmilitary like – but he was a friend of my parents and one of the only people I had left.

"You look wonderful Mackenzie – how was your trip over?" he asked in the broad Glaswegian accent.

"Good Sir – runway needs a new coat though!" I replied laughing.

He nodded and we watched as the GR4 landed and I watched as it was brought around to the marked area and the crews raced in to get the post-flight checks done and the crew out.

"So, how do you think your boyfriend survived?" he said grinning.

"Hopefully he loved it and wanted to try and do everything – did your pilot give him the 'full experience'?" I inquired raising an eyebrow.

He turned to me and grinned – I burst out laughing and nodded. I think Spike may kill me later after getting him spun around the place, barrel-rolled and then some – wonder if he had to use the sick bags.

One by one the men came down the fuselage and shook hands, no sign of vomit anywhere which was great news – Spike was nearly bouncing around the place! The pilot saluted to us both and patted my shoulder and grinned before heading off for a well-deserved break and shower.

"Well, make the introductions Mackenzie!" asked the CO.

"Commander Carrick, this is Officer Michelangelo 'Spike' Scarlatti from the SRU in Toronto. Spike, this is Commander Gabriel Carrick, he is my godfather and CO of Aviano AFB." I said introducing them both.

"Pleasure to meet you Commander, thank you for the amazing experience – your pilots is amazing and I had a great time!"

"Glad to hear it Spike – come inside to get cleaned up and a coffee before you have to head off down the road," he replied clasping his shoulders and leading him into the hanger area.


	20. Chapter 20

Twenty minutes later I was sitting chatting to Commander Carrick in his office over a cup of tea when Spike came back in looking a lot more relaxed; Carrick offered him a seat and I handed him a cup of tea and some Domperidon to ease his stomach after the flight. I knew he hadn't been sick – he was too excited for that – but the Styrofoam mouth was a pain in the ass and it was better to deal with it now that later!

I had given Carrick a run-down of what has happened over the last year or so, he was annoyed that no-one had called him, but respected my choices I had made and was proud of my work with the SRU. Our bags were loaded into the back of the Humvee by the corpsman and I signed the vehicle documents for a week's rent, and that I would drop the Humvee off at a Depot unit closer to base.

"You take care of yourself Mackenzie – you need anything – you call immediately alright!" he ordered as he hugged me hard.

I hugged Carrick back and smiled as he gave me a farewell peck on the cheek and shook Spike's hand and ordered him to keep an eye on me – I was a tricky one and loved pulling practical jokes – Spike laughed and said he was aware of that!

We climbed into the Humvee and headed off out of the base and onto the main roads towards Pordenone, the local area I had arranged for a family reunion for Spike. It was a short drive of maybe an hour since we had arrived during the evening rush hour, and as I followed the instructions towards the town centre, I instantly fell in love with the gothic look of the buildings. I looked over to see Spike grinning like a school boy.

"If your grin gets any bigger baby I am going to be worried you're going to sprain something!" I said laughing.

He looked at me and laughed, he was still hyper from finding out this morning about the little surprise of flying to Italy and meeting his mom – it had been over a year and they both missed each other. I stopped and parked up in front of a large house and popped the trunk open once I turned the engine off; I grabbed my bag that had all my permits for our weapons and ID's from the base and home. Spike grabbed our bags and I grabbed our locked tool kits that contained our firearms and ammo, we were being careful since this was a military area and anything could happen. After locking the trunk up, I took us up a small flight of steps that lead to the main entrance and opened the door, as Spike entered – about twenty people all shouted 'surprise!'

He stood there and burst out in a huge smile and hugged his mom who came forward and looked fantastic, I stood back as everyone greeted him and he was passed from aunt to aunt and uncle to uncle – he hadn't seen this side of his family for a good few years and he was over the moon to see everyone again. Mrs Scarlatti came over to me and after I put the bags down on the ground, I gave her a massive hug and we ended up having a small cry as we took in the family scene in front of us all. She took my hand and brought me over to everyone who was assembled and made an introduction.

"This is Michelangelo's girlfriend – she is the one who we are thankful for being here today! She arranged everything for us so he could see his family again – welcome to the family bella – and grazie!" she said as they all cheered.

I went beetroot and waved and grinned at everyone assembled – Spike came across to me and hugged me hard – he was crying himself and laughing as I stood there shaking with relief.

"Thank you Mac – thank you for being in my life – this is amazing!" he said as he motioned to everyone in the loggia.

"Your welcome – family is important!" I replied.

"Come on, time to introduce you to the family and start the round of drinks!" he said grinning as he pulled me along to everyone.

Those two weeks we had with his family were amazing; they took me everywhere I could want to go and let us have a relaxing holiday as well every night as we stayed up talking and laughing about Spike being a little boy and what he used to get up to. I woke up every morning with Spike beside me and grinned as he poked me since I had an internal alarm clock for 6am – he wanted to sleep later considering how tired he was after every night action. It was pure bliss being here – I am glad we waited until everything had been sorted with me – but duty was calling and we were due to go back to Toronto in a couple of days. Tonight was going to be a musical night with family and friends from the local area; they had found out that I played the piano and liked to sing – I had warned them that I wasn't fantastic – but they wanted a song in Gaelic – thankfully I knew one and had been practicing it when I had a free moment.

Much later on in the afternoon Spike collapsed on top of me and rest his head on my chest as I stroked his back – we were going to wear each other out and I laughed at the image of the ME finding us in death throws. Spike looked down at me and grinned.

"Something amusing Mackenzie?" he inquired.

I whispered to him what it was and he snorted with mirth and he rolled off me and sat up; I leaned up on my elbows and blew my fringe out my face. He leaned down to kiss me and got up and headed for the shower. We had decided to go shopping for some souvenirs for everyone; I had done the same in Scotland, but wanted something from Italy too. A couple of hours later we were wandering the old streets of Aviano, checking out local shops and tourist spots – meeting even more family and then finding an amazing old church that we both wanted to go inside and have a look. Thankfully I was wearing a long skirt and had a shawl with me; I covered my head and shoulders and headed in to find the place set up for a wedding that was taking place the next day.

"Wow – Italian weddings huh – bet they are fun!" I whistled as we watched the flower arrangers get everything sorted and the decorations put up.

I headed over to the candles and put in a donation for two large candles for my Toronto family and my Italian family. Spike did the same for those missing and I could see he was remembering Lewis; I took his hand and after a prayer we headed out of the church and back along towards the café we had seen for some lunch. The afternoon went quick as we headed to the coast to watch the navy manoeuvres that were taking place – I could feel the adrenaline going through me while watching it – I missed it sometimes.

"I never got to say thank you – for that amazing gift you gave me. I still can't believe I rode REO in the back of a GR4 from Scotland to Italy!"

I looked at him and grinned; he was like a little boy with his dream come true and I was so happy for him that he got to experience something that was bloody difficult to set up.

"I didn't think you would get out the cockpit to be honest, I could just imagine you jumping into the pilot seat and taking off again. It's an amazing rush – I thankfully have had a chance to do it too with Carrick." I replied laughing.

I looked back out at the manoeuvres and dropped my glass of wine onto the floor – I saw flashes of Scott Toth as we were doing manoeuvres in the desert – he was showing me the best way to tackle a large opponent and take him down in surprise – we had an audience. I jerked back to reality as Spike shook my shoulders – I was slumped onto the floor of the café and had a crowd of people around me including Spike's aunt and uncle who were looking worried.

"Hey, are you okay? Don't move – you landed and hit your head – Aunt Maria is a nurse and checking you out alright!" he whispered.

I blinked at him and then gasped as my head throbbed and my hip hurt from scraping it down the side of the wall beside me. I gave double thumbs up to everyone and waited for Maria to give me the all clear before I got helped up and sat back on the chair. Tomas, Spike's uncle, thanked everyone for their concern and the waiter came over with a glass of water for me and some ice in a towel.

"Grazie Senore!" I thanked him as I took the icepack.

"I don't think you have a concussion, but you should take it easy tonight and don't drink any alcohol; if your head still hurts in the morning then you know the drill and get yourself checked out at hospital. Are you alright for us to leave you with Michelangelo? "She asked.

"Thank you Maria, yeah I am good to go and will see you tonight!" I replied.

I waved to them as they left and after Spike tried paying for the meal and being told it was on the house, we headed back to the car and then to the house so I could lie down for a couple of hours before tonight's party. He was concerned about what had happened, it was the first relapse I have had in a couple of months and it came out of nowhere – I didn't think it was a relapse – more of a memory being unblocked by seeing the forces training routines. We got back to the house and of course Maria and Tomas had called ahead and Mrs Scarlatti was there to help me up to the sitting room and ordered me to rest for a while. I nodded and thanked her and Spike sat beside me as I lay down with a new ice pack across my forehead.

"How are you feeling?" he asked worriedly.

"Actually I am alright apart from the bump on the head – it wasn't a relapse; it was a memory that popped up from when Toth's nephew taught me a few moves in Afghanistan. It wasn't a bad memory, just unexpected as I watched the forces tactics at sea." I replied honestly.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

I nodded and leaned over to kiss him as he sat beside me on the chair he brought over; I felt a lot better lying down and had no issues apart from the bump on my head that would disappear with the help of the ice pack. There was no blood so it wasn't a massive injury; I just had to keep an eye out in case I started to get severe headaches, dizziness and nausea.

"I am honestly alright; surprised by it that's all. No harm caused and I remember every little detail of the last couple of hours. If you're going to the barbers with the guys then you need to get going – they don't do quick march like we can!" I said laughing as I heard the others call for him to hurry up.


	21. Chapter 21

After he had left I headed for a long hot shower and got myself pampered and sorted out for the music night with the family. After getting changed later on and drying my hair, I wrapped it up in a braid and headed downstairs to find the entire female members of the family in the kitchen getting the meal organised as the men sorted out the barbeque outside. There were salads, meat marinating in dishes and what looked like enough pasta dishes to sink the titanic again! My stomach rumbled loudly and I blushed as the woman stopped and laughed as they caught me going red; they made a space at the table and after getting fussed over for a few moments, they handed me a bowl of pasta and I scoffed it down with some apple juice they had freshly pressed. After washing up the dishes I headed over to Mrs Scarlatti and asked what I could do to help, she asked if I could keep an eye on the kids outside and just to relax after this afternoon, if they needed a help then they would call me – they were a force to be respected when cooking!

I headed outside and found a couple of the new mums in the family nursing and watching the other kids play about in the large garden that was fully walled off and in the centre of the house. I handed one of the woman the dropped cloth and covered her and the baby up so she could continue to nurse in privacy as I tied a couple of flowers together for the small girl I was playing with at the table.

"How are you enjoying the family gathering Mackenzie?" She asked.

"It's amazing and I am so happy to be here with everyone; the family is amazing and I love everyone! I see where Mike gets his sense of humour from!" I replied laughing as the men argue over the barbeque.

She looks over and has a laugh as well as she calls to the men to use the fluid if the wood needs some help. They all agree and within seconds the woods alight and they are organising the roasting spikes and the trays for the meat. The baby falls asleep in her arms and she sighs in relief as we hear a small pop and a rumble of air coming from the small bundle.

"Kitchens closed!" she says laughing as she tries to sort herself out.

"May I?" I ask holding out my arms.

She passes the baby to me as it allows her to get sorted out and cleaned up after nursing, she sits back and looks at me as I hold onto the baby and grin as I watch the faces he is making.

"He is adorable, congratulations," I say as I pass him back.

She takes the wee one back and grins as her other three kids comes over and ask for juice – I pass them their plastic tumblers and watch as they all go sit in the grass and make daisy chains.

"Your kids are gorgeous, how old are they?" I inquire.

"Maria is four, Vittoria is five and little Justin is three; this little angel here is two months and called Leo. Thinking about having kids yourself?" she replies.

"I defiantly want kids, lots of them – my work is complicated though and dangerous so it's a decision with a lasting career change. One day though I hope to bring them back here and meet their family." I reply honestly.

"What is it you do – surely it is can't be too bad?" she inquires frowning.

"I am actually an Army Nurse, I transferred to Toronto after getting a job with the SRU, that's the Strategic Response Unit – basically SWAT with negotiation training. I do the same job as Mike – it's how we actually met!"

She actually stares at me in horror, she had no idea that I did something so dangerous, was allowed to do something so dangerous!

"You work as an army nurse, but transferred into armed police unit? I thought you worked in a hospital as Mama said you were a nurse?" she asked appalled.

"I do both if you like in my new role, I love doing it and it gives me the opportunity to do two things I love at the same time. It's not as horrific as it may sound to someone who isn't military – we have more good days than bad." I reply.

The atmosphere between us had dropped to below zero and the kids could even tell something wasn't right; one of the other mums came over and spoke to her before she left. The new mum introduced herself as Sarah and had a seat opposite me and smiled.

"Don't worry about Lucia, she is very old fashioned about woman's roles and where they should be chained too. I'm an MP at Aviano – I know your godfather Carrick well – he got a kick outta knowing you were coming over!"

I smiled and handed some fruit over to her wee one on her knee – she was adorable in her pink dress and the daisy chain wrapped in her hair. Sarah passed her to me and stood up revealing the healthy five month bump.

"Congratulations Sarah – do you know what you are expecting?" I asked.

"Twins believe it or not – they run in the family along with triplets – be careful wanting kids with this lot – you may get more than you bargained for!" she said laughing.

After a couple of hours of chatting with everyone and helping out with some of the dishes being prepared, I headed to get changed again due to the mix of handing babies and food, or just helping out changing the babies after food! I freshened up in the room and popped on a long dress that would be cool enough for the hot evening and wrapped my hair up off the back of my neck. I felt Spike's arms go around me and turn me around for a big kiss – he was freshly changed after visiting the barbershop and was relaxed looking. He handed me a box from a local jewellery shop. It wasn't a ring box, but a bracelet box that held a silver bangle with an engraved message inside it.

"It says 'Forever mine, forever yours – together we shine'" he whispered.

He wrapped the bracelet around my wrist and secured the clasp at the wrist; it was a beautiful Italian renaissance style cuff – it was strong and quite heavy – he knew my tastes in jewellery!

"It's beautiful, thank you!" I whispered back as I kissed him.

He sat down on the bed beside me and I handed him a small box back – I had got this back in Scotland. It wasn't THAT ring – just one that meant a lot and I wanted him to have. He opened the box and inside was a silver Celtic style ring that was nestled in the holder; I took it out and put it on his middle finger on his right hand. He looked at me and then back at the ring.

"It's a tradition in the family, if your taken then you have a ring on this finger and on this hand – you probably noticed I have worn one similar on my hand since we started dating. This was my father's ring – I want you to have it," I replied.

He looked at me in amazement; it was one of the very few things I had of my parents and I was thankful I had it to pass on the tradition. It fit like a charm on his finger and he suited the broad inlay of the silver on his hand. He leaned in to kiss me and I dragged him back onto the bed and laughed as he whispered into my ear about what he was going to be up to later on that night.


	22. Chapter 22

After an amazing buffet style meal with the family and half the neighbourhood; I was sitting at the piano tuning up due to the heat that expanded the strings; the other musicians had to do the same and we were all laughing as I was getting annoyed at the C string that was not behaving. Finally five minutes later we were ready to go and I played a daft little tune and song for the kids who were running around mad on the grass and chasing the butterflies in the air. I took a seat and started the song – it was the only Gaelic song I knew fully and everyone was in awe as I sang along in the old language and had the other musicians adapt to the tune with their instruments. The song finally finished and I grinned as everyone clapped and I saw Spike and his mom blow kisses at me as I took a small curtsey and laughed.

Four days later we were standing back at Aviano AFB and saying goodbye to the immediate family and friends we were leaving behind; Spike was sorry to have to leave his mom again, but she was much happier since seeing us both together and knowing that we were alright. Carrick came across and let us know that the plane was ready to board and we had struck gold as the General had sent for his plane and they were heading back to Toronto and agreed to give us a lift. I gave him a massive hug and headed off with Spike to the plan and introduced ourselves to the pilot and the General's aide who was flying back with the plane to Ontario. We waved a final goodbye and climbed aboard, ten minutes later we were airborne and heading back home.

Our last couple of days off we got the house sorted out and I finally released the apartment I had been holding onto; he picked up the courage to just ask me to move in with him as it was too lonely in the house without anyone else there – that and we would save cash on the rent so we could splash out on some redecorating that was needing done! It took a day or so to get things moved in and I had a complete clean out of all the crap I kept a hold of and added considerable books to the new shelves I had to buy and add to the library unit in the upstairs small bedroom. The rooms were all clean, the shopping had been done and we sat outside on the swing chair to watch the sunset before we turned in for the early start the next morning. I had made us a nice meal and we were enjoying a small glass of wine as we talked outside – it was weird knowing that this house was ours now and that I would be coming back here daily – that any possible children would be brought up here. I had packed the car with the presents I had picked up from our trip and our uniforms were all organised for the 3am wake-up call we would get from Ed. After a few moments of watching the sun go down, we both headed upstairs to bed and fell asleep immediately after the busy day.

We both grabbed our gear from the trunk and headed in to find Keira talking to Parker and Ed at the main desk; they both looked up and clapped as we came over and I gave them a hug.

"You look wonderful Mac – how did the holiday go?" Ed asked.

"It was amazing and really helped – Spike loved his day out and got a right surprise when he flew to Italy where I had organised another holiday with his family. The air force nearly had a new recruit after the GR4 experience!" I said grinning.

"You organised a holiday in Italy as well as Scotland – damn – you can travel! How is the family Spike?" Parker asked.

"They are all amazing and my mom sends her best to everyone, we also have good news – meet up in the room in five?" he replied.

We split up and I went to get changed in the locker room and found Jules there getting ready; she turned around and hugged me tight as she saw me grin stupidly and model off my Italian tan – I bet she thought I would come back white as a sheet from not leaving the bedroom! We got organised and headed through to the meeting room where everyone was and I hugged everyone again and passed the presents around. I had got everyone something unique that I thought they would like from both Scotland and Italy – they all loved what they got and immediately put them around their wrists and looked at them more closely.

"So – what other news did you want to tell us?" Ed asks.

"Please don't tell me you're married already?" Parked jokes as we remember what he told Spike before we left over a month ago.

"No we are not married – yet! I moved in with Spike two days ago, and we are going to take it nice and slow for everyone's benefit!" I replied.

We were surrounded with massive congratulations and got teased stupid by everyone who was in the area and found out what was going on.

All except one person who was watching from the shadows of the gym.


End file.
